THE SEX QUESTION - Can you explain a loss of sexual desire by your new job?

Starting a new job is often accompanied by stress and a desire to do well.

In "Sans Rendez-vous", 

Sabine's question

"My husband got a new position a few weeks ago with high responsibilities. He works a lot, comes home late at night and is not often present on weekends. However, since then, we have not had a relationship. sexual, is that related? "

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Catherine Blanc's response

“Libido can depend on the emotional load, worry and worry that we try to deal with and assuage on a daily basis. It takes sufficient availability to have sex. In four mornings, maybe that’s it. will develop his libido, because he will feel great, powerful and recognized and that this professional development will rather gild his narcissism and his virility. When you reach important positions, you are also regarded as someone important. It gives sex appeal through skills. But first, you have to be up to the job, so it calls into question the idea that I have of myself, of my skills, of my abilities. we take any job, at first, there are three months where we are a little underwater to take our marks and prove our skills. Suddenly, we are always saying : 'They think I'm capable, but I don't feel capable of it.'

And this, until we gain the certainty of our ability.Meanwhile, obviously we do not have the availability to show that we are a superhero elsewhere.

Isn't it also because of stress and fatigue?

In this case, he is not available, he comes home late, he runs out.

We had said it on other occasions on other subjects, in particular about mothers when they gave birth to children.

There are feedings, feedings, feedings, meal preparations, diaper cleaning ... Obviously all of this is exhausting.

A human being is not capable of being Shiva, of being on 1,000 subjects at the same time and performing on all subjects.

Obviously we can be proud of our husband because he has this high position, we can understand that he is very strongly mobilized, we can also feel a little abandoned, perhaps, but once again, we must also wait for time to pass sufficiently, accompany him, trust him, precisely because it is trust that he needs.

Doesn't work somehow replace carnal pleasure in this situation?

So it's true that when we work, we put all our ambition into it, therefore all our desire.

We put our pleasure into it, as in the competence that we have to satisfy the request of the other.

So we find the same stories as what is played out in sexuality.

And sometimes, precisely, we put a lot of our libido into it, because we need all this libido put at the service of the work to be able to accomplish the task, until we can discover that our libido, we can segment it. in lots of other areas.

For the moment, he is in the jubilation and the enjoyment of what he implements.

But I think rather that at first, it is a will to put oneself at the height and not already to be in the pleasure.

Shouldn't we cut a weekend?

I don't think it's enough for a weekend like this.

I think weekends are allowed anyway and they are definitely times of sleep and mending.

Should she give him an ultimatum?

It's a bit abrupt ... Imagine if we said the same to women who are looking after their babies ... It would be like saying: 'Okay, you're going to put your baby on hiatus, you leave your child for a weekend and packed, it's weighed! '.

It's interesting, it allows us to see that anything that makes us suffer and on which we would like a somewhat abrupt reaction or action, let's try to imagine it in the opposite direction to see if it's acceptable. "