THE SEX QUESTION - I had several relationships but I never said "I love you", is that normal?

Saying “I love you” to another for the first time in a relationship is always a very special and often memorable moment.

In "Sans Rendez-vous", the 

Fabrice's question

"I'm 38 and had several relationships in my life, varying in length, and I realized that I never said 'I love you' to a girl. Is that normal, or the problem is it from me? "

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Catherine Blanc's response

"The question is not so much the lack of love for the other, but potentially the difficulty that one has to express or to grant oneself the legitimacy of his feelings. There is also the question of the impact that it would be like saying 'I love you' to the other.

Doesn't the other still need to hear it?

The other needs, or sometimes afraid too.

When we tell you 'I love you', it gives a certain personal responsibility when to love in return.

It's always difficult, because when you hear 'I love you', you can also hear 'do you love me?'

So often, everyone works out what they want.

To say "I love you" is to lay bare ...

Exactly, we really talk about ourselves and we put ourselves in the proposal to the other to know if he shares this same momentum.

Everyone looks at each other and the first to speak has lost.

So it's kind of a rather curious arm wrestling.

It is often an important passage, which marks in any case ...

Some of my patients imagine that saying 'I love you' is an expression of weakness, precisely because it means exposing yourself to the other and their inability to share or evoke the same feeling.

Yet it is a power to be able to say 'I love you'.

That is to say, I am able to feel that.

So to the question of knowing if the problem comes from him, already, there is no problem to say it or not to say it.

We don't have to say it.

We don't have to force ourselves if we're in a relationship we're good in, or force ourselves to love if we don't feel it.

To deprive oneself of saying it for fear of the consequences, for fear of not sharing, of the idea of ​​a judgment of the other or of the power of the other over oneself, as if one were weakened because more in demand, more in waiting, more dependent on the other, is forgetting that being able to say 'I love you' means being able to verbalize your emotions.

It is the expression of a power, a tranquility, a legitimacy that we agree to, regardless of whether the other participates or not.

They talk about us and only us.

And that is a wonderful thing.

Do women need to hear "I love you" more than men?

No, I really believe that all people need to hear 'I love you', just as all people need to be petted.

We all came from a belly that caressed us.

We all had parents who accompanied us and who made us grow, thanks to the way they looked at us and to the testimonies of love, or on the contrary in the failure of these testimonies of love.

So we all need this.

Afterwards, we forbid ourselves more or less things and certainly that men have heard a lot said that they can be autonomous, that they do not have to dwell on feelings, or that the emotion is perhaps to be something that could be weakening, when girls were more invited or more allowed to say, feel or claim.

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When we think that women have more need, as your question suggests, to hear 'I love you', it is to think that otherwise they are weakened, that they are small things and that the ' I love you 'man will suddenly give them some density.

It is also to think that the man would be autonomous and would not need it.

In reality, we all need it, it's delicious to feel loved.

Should we choose the right moment to say "I love you"?

We are not going to do this on the shelves of a supermarket ...

I do not agree.

We don't have to put on a whole ceremony to say 'I love you'.

What scares us is that it puts pressure on the other and the other cannot take that pressure off and say, 'I love you too.'

It's like the big statement in public: 'will you marry me?'

If we do not know in advance that the other is going to say yes, it is still risky for oneself and risky for the other, who, for the sake of protection, risks saying yes when he or she does not. not necessarily think.

Places don't matter.

The important thing is the moment when we ourselves are at peace.

To each his own rhythm finally ...

Of course, that's why it's not the place that matters.

It's like when we say 'we don't kiss the first time' or 'we don't have sex the first time'.

There is no rule.

There is only a moment when one is ready to come out and face what the other may or may not respond. "