Be brave and touch the complexity and warmth of real social
【Focus·Relieve the psychological dilemma of "social terrorism" youth】
The current embarrassing fact is: social tools are constantly upgrading, but young people are "social downgrading."
More and more post-90s and post-00s think they are "social fear". In an online survey launched by "Youth Talk" a few days ago, 2,532 netizens who participated in the voting gave an amazing result-only 69 people thought they had no social problems, and 97% of the participants avoided or even feared social interaction. At the same time, more and more young people "enjoy" living alone, relying on mobile phones to build and maintain their social networks, and become more and more trapped in the virtual world.
Where does the social fear of young people come from and how to crack it? This issue of "Youth Theory" focuses on alleviating the psychological plight of "social terror" youth.
Social Fear under the Changes of Interpersonal Communication
Social phobia is a kind of anxiety disorder in medicine, and its characteristics include significant and persistent fear when being in public places or dealing with people. The “social terror” that many young people call themselves nowadays does not reach the level of illness, but presents an emotion and state of avoiding and resisting social interaction.
Why do young people avoid or resist socializing?
First of all, we must see that this generation of young people who have grown up in rapid social changes are witnesses to the changes in social style, and their interpersonal interactions are destined to show new characteristics. The "Chinese Post-90s Youth Survey Report" released by Analysys Think Tank and Tencent QQ shows that the post-90s youth group has become accustomed to the "self-axis" type of growth, and "loneliness" is an inevitable state in their growth process——" Most of them are only children, and their childhood memories are full of loneliness; they grow up in high-rise buildings, and busy parents can't take care of them; steel and concrete block the children's social opportunities, and they gradually become accustomed to playing by themselves."
With the rapid advancement of urbanization, most young people grow up in social units dominated by "small families" and lack the experience of relatives and neighbors in traditional social interactions. For example, many post-90s generations said that due to the huge gap between relatives, they would not move around frequently: "We left home early to study and work, and we were still a little apart from our family, let alone contact with relatives."
Accompanied by the thin interpersonal experience in the growth process is the complexity of social interaction itself in the mobile Internet era.
The scene is generalizing and socializing all the time. "People can take a break, but the Internet runs 24 hours a day. There are always countless red dots waiting to be opened in the phone: group clocking in, class notifications, friend greetings, classmate invitations, club activities...it must be handled carefully one by one. "In the eyes of junior college student Han Xue, social interaction is always accompanied by stress.
The functions are mixed and socialized everywhere. "Our social activities are too much, and their efficiency and purpose are so nauseous. Even grab a train ticket to go home and'invite friends to help me speed up'." Netizens responded in the survey. Tao.
Under such contradictions, some young people call themselves "social terror" youths, and there are signs to follow. The label "Social Fear" is more like a shield in their hands. In the real and anxious social dilemma, I had to take up this shield to deal with the pervasive social pressure.
"It may be an exaggeration to say that social demotion is a bit exaggerated. From a certain point of view, this is also our self-adaptation to real life." Xiaoting, a psychology student, said that many new "social etiquette" advocated by "social fear" youth, such as using WeChat Don't make phone calls when you talk about small things, and don't make voices if you can type. The core is to maintain proper social distance and give each other a little freedom and relaxation.
Virtual socialization is not the antidote to social fear
While undergoing social changes, the development of technology is bringing brand new ways of communication. From text messages to QQ and WeChat, from forums to blogs, Weibo, and then to Douyin Kuaishou, the continuous iterative social software provides more convenient communication options and has gradually shaped the social habits of this generation of Internet aborigines.
In real life, many friends are rarely seen. The article "Social Obstacles in Urban Life: "It's a Luxury to See You When You Have Time"" describes the current situation: People who are also in Beijing and in Dongcheng District want to meet their good friends who work in Xicheng District. , Location, people and harmony", even if the other party comes to work downstairs in his own company for work reasons, he may not be able to meet up because of something on hand.
In the online world, making friends is not limited by time and space. Social software can "add a stranger as a friend" in one second. Even if you don't meet offline, there are frequent interactions in social media, which seems to be very lively. "Just like in the game, the character's force value, defense value, etc., are supplemented in different ways, and social networking is the same. The bonus for face-to-face chat is a bit more, and the bonus for mobile phone chat is a bit less, but the cost is small! Son, my social value can also be filled." Xiaohui, who works for an Internet company, is very busy. The friends group often misses the meal, but he has his own set of making friends.
According to statistics, there are more than 20 million young people living alone in my country. Offline alone and online "lively" have become the norm. According to the "Insight Report on the Life of Youth Living Alone in 2020", 64.83% of the survey respondents choose to make new friends through social software. Online dating is a "must option" for many young people living alone to relieve their loneliness.
However, can online social networking be the antidote for "social terror" youth? The answer may be the opposite. The social psychologist Shirley Turkel once put forward the concept of "group loneliness": "Everyone is familiar with the scene: family members are together, not touching each other, but looking at computers and mobile phones; gatherings with friends are not reminiscences, but It is desperately refreshing Weibo and WeChat; in class, teachers are talking, students are chatting online; in meetings, others are reporting, and audiences are sending and receiving information." She believes that all these phenomena can be attributed to "group loneliness"—— We seem to be together, but actually live in our own "bubbles". We expect less others and more technology.
The uninterrupted connection in the virtual space makes people fall into deeper loneliness. To break this cycle, the only way for everyone to "be together" better. "You must actively participate in the conversations below the line to make up for the deficiencies of online communication caused by the'absence of the body', and use true'together' to heal the lonely people and build a better life." Lin Bin, a professor at the School of Marxism at Sun Yat-sen University, said in "A Deliberation on "Group Solitude": Our "Loneness" Together.
"This year's Spring Festival has been prolonged due to the epidemic. I can only use video to communicate with my family when I am studying and working abroad. This time I went home to play cards, make tea, and chat with my parents when I was young. It made me feel more genuine family support." The post-90s girls said that sometimes it is this kind of plain relationship that makes us rediscover and cherish the interaction and connection in reality. She has decided to spend more time with friends in the real world.
Get rid of inertia and break through the social "cocoon room"
When group loneliness becomes a comfort zone, some young people are more reluctant to come out and face reality in the face of new waves of virtual socialization.
"A considerable part of modern people’s free time is occupied by smartphones and tablet computers. I spend hours or even tens of hours on electronic screens every day, and I feel that time is passing fast, and there is a feeling of'cannot let go', left to reality. Life’s attention resources are naturally less.” Such feelings are becoming more and more common.
With its low-cost and full-time features, virtual social networking is becoming a "greenhouse" for avoiding real social pressure. At present, the growth trend of companion apps is becoming more and more obvious, and paid companion apps such as voice chat rooms and game sparring appear in large numbers. Young people with online social needs can purchase chat projects with just one finger.
There is the concept of "information cocoon room" in communication science, which means that people will be habitually guided by their own interests when they obtain information, and thus are shackled in a "cocoon room" like a silkworm cocoon. In the social field, contemporary young people seem to be trapped in a "cocoon room", unwilling to step out of the comfort zone of making friends, forming a cycle of avoiding and less socializing, and confining their lives in a narrow space.
"In the two years when I refused to socialize, I didn't make new friends. I lived extraordinarily, but I really lost myself." Netizen Lei Yitian had experience of "social terrorism". Later, she discovered that people are sincere. Communication is the cure for unhappiness.
"We still have to work hard, to open our hearts and embrace, to touch and perceive this world of love and hatred. For people with social phobia, this is a bit difficult, but when we break free from loneliness, we can have fun and favor. , And love." She said.
There are gradually more young people like Lei Yitian who break through the social "cocoon room" and bravely move into real social life.
Shirley Turkel proposed that the way to deal with group loneliness is for friends and relatives to sit together more, talk and discuss face to face. This is also true for "social fear" youths. Escape from social interaction is only temporary. Only by taking the step from comfort to the unknown and touching the complexity and warmth of real social interaction can you widen your life path.
(Our reporter Li Danyang)