"Dating is a skill, marriage is a real battle, and parenting is a battle."


This is what an instructor said when he was training reserve forces. When I heard this, I was single and unmarried, so I laughed and passed it over. When in a relationship, I was able to hide the side I wanted to hide from the other person and show only the good side. I needed skills to make me look better, and it worked to some extent.

But when you get married, these skills don't work. Living in the same space from morning to night, I can't move thinking about what to hide and what to reveal. Not only are they living, but they usually say hello to each other in the morning with a dazzling look. If you get married anyway, you'll be wearing a shirt with a stretched neck. After taking a shower, I was even naked. When you get married like this, you can see each other as they are. Not only the appearance, but also the personality, diet, habits, sleeping habits, and wealth. Marriage was really real.

But when I raised my child, this was something different. Soothing, feeding, washing, cleaning, sleeping, and doing housework for a crying child without even attempting to do so will soon be over. You realize that parenting is a battle hundreds of times. However, this was not limited to parenting. Combat parenting certainly had a great influence on the couple.

My wife and I have a good conversation. The wife communicates her thoughts and feelings well without excitement. I also tend to make all of my arguments, so our couple did not keep it in their minds through dialogue, but they did well at that time. I have been doing well in love and marriage without any problems. However, the conversation time between the couple and the couple decreased significantly as the children were raised. Because one person has to keep seeing the child, conversations and lifestyle patterns revolve around the child. Even if you are together all day, the time for a couple to sit together and talk is only about an hour after sleeping at night.

However, even at this time, if one of them falls asleep because of exhaustion while sleeping, they cannot have it. The corona has gotten worse these days, so I don't send my child to a daycare center, but only watch at home. As a result, the wife was even more tired, so she fell asleep with her child, and several days passed without having a conversational conversation between the couple. Even though they were together all day, they were busy with each other, saying, "How are you?" As I could hardly have conversations, complaints began to accumulate little by little. Eventually, last week, a deep emotional goal broke out. It was at lunch. My wife was feeding my daughter, but I said a word because she put it on her lap.

"A child knows how to eat alone, but isn't it a little bit bad to feed a child on his lap?"

My wife immediately replied if she was sorry for my words.

"How about feeding by sitting on your lap? The kid eats well."

"I have to sit down to eat and eat. Honey keeps accepting it, so the kid is hitting more lately."

"Because it's a kid, you're going to beat him. Can't he beat him even if he's big? Can't he be a little flexible? The standards are too high for him."

When my wife came out like that, my heart was completely hurt.

"Yeah, okay, okay. I won't tell you, so do it yourself."

Since then, I haven't said anything while my wife is looking at her. When I opened my mouth, I thought it would be an interference again, so I decided not to speak at all.

In fact, before I got married, I was a person with high standards of me. Problems began to arise when we unconsciously applied this standard to children. Unlike me, my wife has a very flexible personality, but there are many times when I say'No!' to my child as'Isn't this okay?' The difference between these standards kept creating friction between the two of us. When raising children, there are many times when you come across this standard unexpectedly. It is not clear what is'being' and what'not' to the child's behavior. It is very vague because there is no law or no one decides it. And there are many cases where it is unclear to set standards because they are trivial things such as where to eat and when to sleep.

But what is clear is that grown-up adults have their own standards. It is not easy to change because it is the standard that has been piled up every step of the way in life, and this is clearly revealed even when raising children. Eventually, dissatisfaction with each other (to be exact, dissatisfaction with the other's parenting method) exploded. If there was a change of mind in my husband and wife, they would usually solve it right away without going over a day. However, since the child was at home all day, he had to spend a few days in cooling mode because he didn't have time to talk to the emotions.

So, our parenting was becoming an individual battle. As they were fighting separately in the battle of parenting, it was like a war. I decided to write a chance for my grandparents because I couldn't do that. It was for a while, but apart from the child, we had time alone. In a long-awaited conversation, we cried together. Raising one life was really difficult, and we and I couldn't take care of each other, tired of seeing only children. I decided to release the core of my mind that I had not been able to talk about so far and set the standards for parenting in the future.

Parenting is, for example, a'battle without enemies'. You must stop your child's crying and irritation without even attempting. If my wife sees her well, and I am separated from me, I will end up in isolation, both myself and my wife. Cooperation with his wife, the only comrade, is the most important in order not to become a separate battle where parenting fights alone. This is something that the couple can barely get through when they communicate and work together.

With this incident, I realized that if I abstain from the parenting battle, the marital relationship could be destroyed at the same time. Parenting is not an individual battle, but a battle between a couple. We wish all the couples who are raising children, including ours, on the affection front.


#In-It #In-It #Papases # Meet'In

-It' to think about with this article now.
[In-It] The secret of my couple living'happier' is.
[In-It] I was annoyed with my child again, I hate myself like this.