In the program "Sans Rendez-vous" on Europe 1, sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc responds to a listener who experiences pain during sexual intercourse with her new partner.

In "Sans Rendez-vous", sexologist and psychoanalysis Catherine Blanc gives her advice to Sylvie, 44, who divorced after 25 years of marriage and who had very little sexual intercourse with her husband. With her new partner, she makes love much more regularly and pain sometimes appears during the act.

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Sylvie's question

Is it because he is younger than my former husband that these pains appear? Is it more vigorous? Or am I too stressed?

Catherine Blanc's response

Normally, we make love because we feel desire. When opening and lubricating the vagina, when you are stressed, it is not at all in this sense that things go. She may have performance anxiety since she specifies that her partner is younger. It has nothing to do with the way of making love or the shape of a penis, nor with the vigorous side of the penis in question. But much of what it puts as pressure in the face of these new challenges. After 25 years of couple, a little sexuality, having to find new codes with someone younger and perhaps with a sexual culture that she thinks different, she puts herself in a situation where her body says 'no' . If she makes love more than she wants and at a more sustained rate mechanically, it can also hurt more.

We agree that for 25 years her vagina has not adapted to the size and shape of the sex. But is not a vagina a "mold"?

Not at all. Especially that a vagina, when it is not penetrated, is a virtual cavity. Each time we stop making love, the walls of the vagina touch each other. The walls adapt to what penetrates them: a penis, a finger or a gynecological speculum. Without it could hurt because it has a capacity of elasticity in the direction of the length and the width.

The fact of not having intercourse for a while, the vagina does not become tighter again?

It does not close, because the female sex is not an injury. It’s not like we’ve opened up and healed. These are fantasies. We tell ourselves that the first time will tear everything apart and that after that it will rebuild itself and therefore that a new penetration would tear everything apart. It's wrong.

What would you advise her to no longer have pain?

I think above all that it must go at its own pace. I feel like she's putting pressure on this younger man. Her real challenge is to stay on the game and therefore be truly up to this new relationship. But maybe she doesn't keep pace with her desires. So, as long as she is not in desire and excitement, she is not in a comfort of sexuality. It is not because we liked to make love once that we have to make it two, three, four times then. We can do it from time to time, as much as we want.

One has the impression that these are somewhat hasty reports. Isn't it also a question of preliminary, of taking your time, so that desire rises?

I think this is all going too fast. It does not impose a rhythm which would suit him better. It's a bit like a crazy little puppy that jumps on you and you're not ready to welcome and cuddle him. I think it is the maturity of their relationship that will make the quality and comfort of their sexuality.