- During confinement, many single people suffered from loneliness and had online dating.
- A virtual company which gave rise to beautiful meetings in “real life”, where it was necessary to compose between physical attraction and the respect of barrier gestures.
- And for many of them, this particular period of pandemic led them to redefine their expectations in a romantic relationship.
"Matcher". Discuss. Take the time to discover yourself. During confinement, a number of singles fooled boredom by meeting up on all of the apps available with a swipe of the thumb. An occupation and a company more than welcome for all those who lived this period alone. With, at the end, the promise to meet IRL , for real, in the next world. And the next world is today, with the end of travel restrictions, the reopening of bars and restaurants.
But the next world is also that of barrier gestures, with the wearing of a mask and strict physical distance, while the Covid-19 is still on the move. Sanitary measures essential but not always compatible with a date . So, how to approach your new romantic encounters? Have expectations changed?
"A relationship of mutual trust has been created"
Before their first date, many singles took the time to get to know their crush during confinement, and to start a real long-distance relationship. So the meeting in person took place without any particular apprehension. Like Aurélie, who, during confinement, had “long periods of storage with a girl met on the Net, a bond was created. We had planned to see each other on the day of the deconfinement, we knew that we had respected the barrier gestures, so when D-Day arrived, obviously we fell in love and we kissed. And since then, we see each other ”. Same confidence for Cécile: “two days before confinement, I started chatting with someone on an app. We didn't have time to meet, so we talked non-stop throughout the confinement, not knowing when we could finally see each other. After two months, a relationship of mutual trust was created, especially since we knew everything that the other had done, all our trips. So for the first meeting, everything went normally: a kiss, no mask and no distance between us ”.
Love relationship coach, Valérie Bruat, who runs a marriage agency, observes this reinvented quest for love among her members: "After a difficult confinement because lived alone, everyone is in a positive mood, more attentive on the other and looking for a serious and lasting relationship ”. For Dr. Patrick Papazian, sexologist and author of Parlez-moi d'amour (ed. L'Opportun), "we can really talk about" the world after "and new ways of approaching meetings. Many new stories leave more room for time, to discover the other. Being confronted with loneliness has led many to reconsider their expectations, to stop being victims of image and immediacy, to get out of the habits of "consumption" of meetings. For some of them, this has brought about a profound change. ”
This is the case of Sébastien, who quickly freed himself from the dictates of appearance. “During this confinement, I encountered love. For a month, we called each night on video, from the start in "home" mode, in pajamas, to talk for hours. " A trend that has engulfed many dating apps, which quickly offered video functionality to their registrants during confinement. Sébastien remembers “precisely May 16, the day when we finally saw each other for real and exchanged our first kiss. Since then, we have been together ”.
"I am fearful", "I am afraid of kissing"
For Son, who got to know a woman during confinement, the first meeting after weeks of discussions was done with more caution. “We saw each other for the first time in mid-May, without a mask, but respecting the barrier gestures, during our first two meetings. It kept a certain distance while we really enjoyed ourselves. We finally totally fell for our third meeting. We said to hell with the risks. We were all too keen on kisses and hugs ”.
But sometimes fear trumps desire. "I'm too afraid to kiss someone," says Justine. A fear shared by Jérémy: “I may be too fearful, but I fear the physical encounter with a person approached on a dating site. Do I have to take off my mask to kiss him? We say hello with the elbow? Asks the 28-year-old, who does not rule out having a serious meeting anyway. "There, it will work with confidence, we will not tell the other to stay fourteen days in confinement before meeting again". If the anxiety is too strong, you should obviously not force yourself, "but we can also renew ourselves in the way that we share the first meetings, walk around by talking, observing a little distance, the time to to feel confident, without taking any steps, ”advises Valérie Bruat. An approach attempted by Sana, who has the impression that most people are no longer afraid of the coronavirus and have resumed their dates . But it scares me, so theyare done on a ride, with a mask and without touching. I am taken for a madwoman to be so cautious, whereas I treat Covid-19 like any other STI! So my celibacy and I have a bright future ahead of us ... "Like Sana, Jérémy can see that" everyone is gradually resuming their professional and social life ", but for now, he prefers to remain cautious. "Am I able to take this risk today?" Not sure ".
In their defense, "it is special to meet new people in a pandemic time, to tell ourselves that we risk contracting this coronavirus potentially dangerous for ourselves and those around us simply by going on a date ", recognizes Dr Papazian, whose "some patients are still cautious. To tell yourself that you risk catching and transmitting the disease to your grandparents, for example, that necessarily upsets the lightness of the meeting. Some literally fail to drop the mask. In theory, we are not supposed to meet new people, to kiss new people. But in practice, life resumes, and if we live an emerging history, the risk is worth taking, provided that it is mastered. We must not live in a bubble, but if we allow ourselves new romantic encounters, we must be more vigilant than ever about respecting barrier gestures with vulnerable people around him ”.
"What if he was an asymptomatic carrier?" "
Managing risk, Amandine made sure to demonstrate it. "I chatted with many men during the confinement, but I chose to meet only one. Who turns out to have been sick with coronavirus. He was recovering when we started trading. He offered to see me when the confinement was not over. Hypochondriac and fragile of the lungs, I preferred to wait for the deconfinement ”. The 25-year-old young woman then accepted a first meeting "at his home." Normally, I don't accept, but there, everything was closed, no desire to go out on the terrace with people. But I was super anxious: I checked three times on the Internet if once cured, we could transmit the virus! When he opened the door, there was a little moment of hesitation: do we kiss or not? But he was in good shape and had returned to work two weeks ago. So we kissed, and much more afterwards, ”she jokes.
"It is important to have a frank discussion before meeting: we can ask the other if he has had symptoms of Covid-19, especially if we have a chronic disease or vulnerable relatives, reassures Dr. Papazian. As well as the discussions we can have with a partner about sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and against which we must not forget to protect ourselves.
But while the pandemic is still raging, Amandine no longer feels as light-hearted as before. "If I were to meet someone, I think there would always be apprehension before the first date," she reflects. Already as a woman, I dread each time meeting an unknown man. But now there will always be this question: what if he was an asymptomatic carrier? "
By the Web
“Nudes”, “dick pics”, eggplant emoji… Confinement explodes online sexuality
Society
Coronavirus: “Libido multiplied by 10”, porn galore… How confinement transforms the sexual life of French people
- Covid 19
- Application
- Meeting sites
- Health
- Coronavirus