Freezing Point Issue 1183

  The one-child generation begins to "load"

  Chen Yang, 34, was born with a basic national policy on his head. It is the product of "eugenics and eugenics" and the "one" with the slogan "Only one is good" on the wall.

  She enjoys all the love and devotion of her parents. She learns dance at the age of 5 and piano at the age of 10. She completed the "upward mobility" under the support of the family.

  She has always been a "superior student", admitted to a prestigious university, established a family, established a smooth career, until the mother had cancer and needed surgery, she did not understand the "life" of the two generations.

  Like many only children, she was taken out of the delivery room by the nurse. She was greeted by the seven elders and eight elders, and another "little emperor" of the Chinese family was born. Today, her mother is faced with a "door to life". Chen Yang has no siblings to discuss. Her decision alone may be related to the mother's life or the quality of life for the rest of her life.

  The Chen Yangs may be the only generation of only children in the policy sense, scattered in about 160 million households.

  China began to implement the one-child policy in the late 1970s and early 1980s, and many demographers used 1976 as the starting point for "the first generation of only children" in their research. If counted from then on, the only child born under the policy, the oldest one has passed. Some scholars have estimated that 2015-2050 will be a critical period for a large number of one-child parents in China to enter old age.

  Now, as the parents of the only child have gradually entered the retirement age, their pension problems have finally begun to emerge after many years of research, calculation and appeal by demographers and sociologists.

1

  When I received the call, it was Chen Yang's busiest time of the week. The mother had a colonoscopy and the results showed that it was bowel cancer. Hearing this news for a minute or two, she immediately decided to take leave to go home. All relatives almost cried when they called her, but she felt it was far from time to cry.

  When packing up his and her daughter's luggage, Chen Yang began to make a schedule in his heart. He needed a few days off, which hospital to take his mother to confirm the diagnosis, and what to say to his parents when he returned home. "Because all things can only be by yourself, there is no time to collapse, and my brain is particularly clear."

  She once imagined that she might encounter such things in other people's stories, but "that kind of imagination is completely different from when it actually happened." "We don't even have people who work shifts."

  In an aircraft carrier-style hospital, her parents didn't know where to go with the list. She led her parents to different clinics for various examinations.

  The mother was hospitalized for surgery, she and her father were in bed, and the aunt came to replace the father and daughter during the day. Meal is to deal with casually in front of the hospital. She felt "the only child is very pitiful" at that time, "You can't do everything, you can't do everything."

  After receiving her mother's treatment in Beijing, she began to "run back and forth" between her home and the hospital: she took care of her daughter to get up and dress in the morning, then went to the hospital to accompany her mother, and drove home before the evening rush hour.

  At night she coaxed her daughter to sleep. During that time, the daughter who was more than two years old learned a sentence: "Mom washes her hands." Because her mother went to the hospital to accompany her grandmother, her mother wanted to wash her hands.

  "My mother used to tell me that sometimes my mother can't help you too much, but at least you can do it without burdening you. Your children will have to manage in the future, the elderly will have to manage, but they can't manage it." Chen Yang said , "But then I knew that this day came early."

  Both Chen Yang and her husband are only children, and their combination is called "double-independent family" by scholars.

  Guo Zhigang, a professor in the Department of Sociology at Peking University, once estimated that between 2011 and 2060, the proportion of dual marriages in urban and rural areas is about 10-35%, with the highest probability of 34%, which will appear in 2030; single marriages are basically at 40% -50 %between.

  Chen Yang's colleagues are also "double-independent families." After getting married, my colleague's mother-in-law was hospitalized because of heart problems. After two or three years, my father-in-law found out that he had cancer. The young couple's holidays were almost spent by the sickbed. Later, the mother became ill again. The couple traveled more than 1,000 kilometers to take care of their parents, and saved a thick stack of train tickets-in order to save money and time, they generally took the train at night to go home. Colleague explained, "Because we have no one else to rely on."

  After the three elderly people's condition was basically stable, colleagues suddenly developed spondylitis. The medical explanation is that the decline in immunity caused an outbreak of inflammation and concentrated in the spine. "Waking up in the morning is like a zombie. I can't get up and can't turn over." During the years of taking care of the three elderly people, the golden period for the birth of colleagues quietly passed, and finally decided to join the Dink family with her husband.

  There are often waves of unrest in life. On one morning, Chen Yang was putting socks on his daughter. From her husband ’s mouth, she learned that her mother-in-law coughed up blood last night. In an instant, “I was cold from neck to heel.”

2

  The year before Chen Yang was born, the American "Newsweek" published an article titled "A Large Group of" Little Emperors "". Wear the "little emperor" hat to the spoiled only child of this generation of China.

  In 1986, "Chinese Writers" published the article "China's" Little Emperor "", in which the only children were said to "overrun the family, parents and relatives", "almost without exception, suffered from" Four Two Ones " Syndrome ". ("Four-two-one" refers to a family structure consisting of four elderly people, a couple and a child.)

  The interviewed post-80s all confirmed this to the reporters of China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily. Labels such as "little emperor", "a collapsed generation", and "unable to bear the burden of history" almost accompanied the birth and growth of the only child of the 80s . At the same time, they believe that the life of the "little emperor" is too far away from themselves, and they have never connected themselves with the image in the media.

  "Our family is an ordinary working-class family, but my parents will give me the best within their abilities." Looking back at his parents' education, Chen Yang believes that parents have no utilitarian goals, but just hope to train more children interest of.

  In 1991, when Chen Yang was 5 years old, her parents sent her to the provincial song and dance troupe to learn dance. Five years later, she owned a German imported piano. After graduating from elementary school, she flew to Sanya with her teacher to participate in the summer camp. Her father also bought her a cool 6-speed mountain bike, although she rarely rides. Chen Yang ’s cousin started learning foreign languages, keyboards and Chinese painting at a very young age. “Maybe parents of that generation have attached great importance to education”.

  Before her mother became ill, Chen Yang had no concept of "only child". In addition to her classmates, her playmates also have cousins. The grandma's family used to be the children's amusement park and cafeteria. Grandma usually makes lunch for 10 people.

  Contrary to Chen Yang, the other only child still remembers her childhood loneliness. Her mother was the first group of college students who resumed the college entrance examination after the "Cultural Revolution". Her father was an ocean-going crew member. She has been in a kindergarten for a long time since she was 3 years old and returned home only one day a week. She was locked at home when her parents went out. She likes to lie on the window sill to see people downstairs. In the New Year, a group of small firecrackers were disassembled one by one boringly, and they were set aside.

  She envied the children around her brothers and sisters, and also generously shared her things to make more friends. In her view, this also affects her growth and personality-unconfident, very sensible, eager for friendship, and used to please others. As an adult, she got married early and then divorced again. She reflected on her rash desire to marry too much to get love.

  In the early 20th century, some educators, psychologists, and sociologists pointed out that the only child has certain personality weaknesses, such as timidity, caution, fear, alienation, loneliness, willfulness, coquettishness, self-interest, jealousy, irritability, and stubbornness. , Psychological instability, poor social adaptability, unsound personality, and outdated quality and morals. These shortcomings are called "only child syndrome". Feng Xiaotian, a specially appointed professor at Nanjing University and a research expert on the issue of only children, believes that without non-only children as a frame of reference, we cannot measure and evaluate the development status of only children. answer.

  "My dad said to live up to" up "," up "is that you have been looking forward to a better, higher requirements for your life and self, a high-spirited and cheerful mental state, and then to be happy and safe "" Chen Yang said.

3

  The only daughter Cai Ranran after the 80s said that she has also been receiving "upward" education and is more specific. Cai Ranran's mother was born in the 1960s and was admitted to a health school to get an opportunity to work in a city hospital.

  "She asked me to work and live in a big city." Cai Ranran continued her mother's expectation that "a generation is better than a generation." She hopes that her 7-year-old daughter will be admitted to a top 3 university in the country or study abroad.

  Chinese-American scholar Feng Wen visited more than 100 only children and their families in Dalian from 1997 to 2002, and wrote the book "The Only Hope". She believes that the starting point for China ’s implementation of the family planning policy is to concentrate more resources on a child and “improve the quality of the population” so that China can compete with the first world countries.

  She believes that the only child's general desire for elite status has led to rapid "education inflation" and fierce competition between the education system and the job market. Parents use a lot of family resources to invest in only children, so that they can take advantage of upward mobility competitions as much as possible.

  In 1997, China officially launched the policy of "expansion of colleges and universities", increasing the chance of entering universities after 1980s.

  An 80-year-old only child who was interviewed said that she grew up in the family courtyard of the school from an early age, her father is a teacher, and her mother works in a public institution. In order to make her grow taller, she has one kilogram of milk and two eggs in her diet every day, and her mother has also "paid a lot of IQ taxes", such as buying shoes that can help children grow up in TV commercials.

  Mother is strict with her. She has to write a diary, a weekly diary, and an analysis of the exam. After returning home to catch up and down with heavy snow during the New Year, and having fun with her friends, she needs to write an additional composition about snow.

  Chen Yang carried some dreams that belonged to the previous generation. The mother's ideal was to read the Journalism Department of the National People's Congress. "So she will have an expectation of me to go to a prestigious school and go to Beijing." Chen Yang admitted.

  From the age of 5, Chen Yang's mother will let her write a diary, and check it every day. Chen Yang studied science very well, and the university wanted to choose science and engineering. But her father was “stubborn” and believed that she had a foundation in writing. Reading arts was at least an option that would not fail, and it was too hard for girls to study science and engineering.

  "Children of other people's families" also quietly popped out of their parents' mouths. An only child born in the late 1970s told the reporter of China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily that she had been shrouded in the shadow of comparison all her life and always felt that she was not good enough.

  "My mother compares other people's children all the time. I always say you look at how powerful others are. When I was a kid, I studied very well. My mother showed off outside, but when I went home, my mother also disliked me for" show ". Let me Work harder, ”she said.“ I ’ve been covered with this kind of thing all my life, why do I work so hard, because I am deeply rooted and always feel that I am not good, I want to continue to prove myself to this world. ”This“ internal drive "Power" makes her feel pain. After the father passed away, the mother lived with her. Whenever the mother tried to encourage the granddaughter with the same "old age sentence pattern", she would immediately block it. She told her daughter Michelle Obama's story, hoping that her daughter would be "happy, confident, looking for her own strengths, and be particularly brave to be herself."

  She said: "I think I am old and my daughter is older. She has her life. I must have my life."

4

  In addition to "run back" between the hospital and home, the mother's illness also impacted Chen Yang's concept.

  After receiving her mother in Beijing to see a doctor, she received many years of elite education and did things that she had previously disdaind and would never do.

  She gave gifts, money, and long, sincere text messages to the chief doctor, and praised their WeChat campaign every day, just hoping that they would not forget themselves. The wine on the wine cabinet at home was almost empty by her.

  "When I was doing these things, I was thinking about my mother. I didn't have anything I couldn't deliver, or if I was embarrassed to say, I don't even care how to ask others." Chen Yang said.

  Mother's condition is not optimistic. After a consultation, the doctor said he was not willing to be admitted. In the doctor's office, Chen Yang burst into tears. "I said the professor begged you to save my mother. I usually don't cry for help, but at that moment, that was the only hope I could catch."

  Chen Yang said frankly that he didn't want to be an official, and he didn't desire a lot of wealth. I just want to live independently, with a little scrutiny. "For the first time, I think it's really difficult for a person to live freely."

  On a recent chat with a friend, she blurted out and said that she "mixed badly."

  "I didn't feel this way before, and I didn't even use this kind of word. Someone can easily let parents enjoy the best medical conditions, but I can't get it far." Chen Yang said.

  Excluding the reimbursed part of the mother ’s medical expenses, Chen Yang would have to pay 20,000 or 30,000 yuan. But her mother has given her money several times and bought her many things. The mother will also pretend to inadvertently reveal to Chen Yang ’s husband that she has given the money to her daughter and will not burden the young couple too much.

  "My mother would say that I'm particularly sorry for me. You didn't work well or take good care of your children. You're so tired, you think you are embarrassed." Chen Yang regretted not choosing one can give him more rewards. work. Or even if you choose this path now, you have to work harder and do better than now. She feels that "all of her laziness and all her pursuit of enjoying life are a waste. In the face of her mother's life, those so-called independent criticisms, harmonious and different, become a little funny."

  In the eyes of colleagues, Chen Yang has a "very rebellious" aspect, and even a little "consciously rebellious against the original family" consciousness. When he went to college, Chen Yang threw back the ripped jeans and skull-print T-shirts that his mother threw out and re-tucked them back into the suitcase.

  "My attachment to my parents is not only afraid of losing, but also what I should do. It is a responsibility. I can't do it because I am incompetent." Chen Yang felt that he had always "lived very ego". Knowing that you are such an "old" person ".

  Chen Yang said that she had always felt that she was a free-running wild horse, and now she found that "she is just a shit man pushing a dung ball."

  "My parents and I both love each other more than myself. I can accept my suffering but not my parents." Another 80-year-old only daughter said that she was also an "old" person, but she was not sure whether this emotional concern Related to "only child".

5

  Most of the first-generation only children who enter the big cities through "upward mobility" face multiple problems.

  "Money" is an unavoidable topic. In a "dual-independent family", the husband and wife have made up for the down payment of the wedding room, and almost emptied the savings of the two elderly people. Now, the two have to repay more than 16,000 yuan of mortgage every month. They can only hope that there will be no accidents in their lives, "the ability to resist risks is too poor."

  Cai Ranran is undoubtedly the lucky one. She and her husband have accumulated several "new first-tier city" properties, which gives her a lot of security and has become a young "middle class" in this city. She admitted that some of the existing properties came from gifts from both parents.

  After her father suffered from uremia, she spent 300,000 yuan to buy a dialysis machine for her father. She vacated a room and put in a disinfection lamp, etc., which became a "sterile room" at home, meeting her father's "don't want to go to hospital" requirement. Recently, she bought a house near the hospital to facilitate her parents' medical treatment in the future.

  Another only daughter told a reporter at China Youth Daily that she bought an insurance for her mother with an annual premium of 300,000 yuan, allowing her to live in a high-end retirement community. But the mother did not want to go, worried about being abandoned by her daughter. She bears all the emotional dependence of her mother.

  But in the face of fierce market competition, she simply could not spare more time. The mother ’s nanny, medical expenses, children ’s tuition fees at international schools, and the livelihoods of hundreds of employees in the company all depend on her.

  She didn't dare to be ill, and she didn't dare to think about what to do if she was ill, and she even got a cold that made her feel scared. On the medical report, nodules of the breast, fibroids in the uterus, and nodules of the thyroid made her nervously involuntarily. "I am the god of our team and the god of our family at the same time. I cannot be sick or fall down."

  In educating children, she will be wary of "love without borders" like her mother. She has made many possible plans for her later life. The only certainty is, "I will never be like my mom. I put everything on my children. "

6

  Most of the anxiety of the only child is activated at the moment the parents are sick, and Li Xin's anxiety comes earlier.

  Li Xin, born in 1987, is a typical "excellent student". Before entering Tsinghua University, he lived in a small city in Anhui. At that time, the core area of ​​the city was not half as large as the Tsinghua campus. "You are walking towards the top of the pyramid. The back is getting farther and farther away. The home is far away."

  In his sophomore year, he had type 1 diabetes and needed insulin injections for life. When the mother heard the news, her blood pressure rushed to 200. Li Xin felt sorry for his parents, and thought that it would be nice if there was another child at home. "In my heart, they should have a healthy 'backup'".

  His father carried a small refrigerator from his home in Anhui to his dormitory, and his mother called every day to care about his three meals a day and his blood sugar level. Li Xin can feel the anxiety of his parents, and good health management has become the most important thing in this family of three.

  A post-90s friend of Li Xin has never experienced a serious illness from her parents and is also in good health. However, from time to time, there are links to crowdfunding donations in the WeChat circle of friends that scared her. She was afraid of death, and she didn't say anything about it. When walking with her boyfriend, she always walks away from the driveway, and then tells her boyfriend half-jokingly, "You have two children. If you were hit by a car, your parents and your sister. But if I No, my parents have nothing. "

  The post-90s only child wants to make money and take her parents to live in the future. In order to alleviate her psychological pressure, her mother laughed at her "little farmer thinking of living with her parents".

  "Our generation is destined to live in a nursing home." The mother looked fashionable and calm. But if her daughter has n’t been home for a long time, she will also play a pitiful way to spoil her daughter, saying that she is uncomfortable here and uncomfortable there, reminding her to take the time to go home.

  In order to make up for the shortcomings of not being able to accompany her parents, she always sent some local specialties to her parents when she went on a business trip abroad. Parents received their daughter's courier more often than they saw real people.

  "The first generation of only children are grown-ups, and many people's parents enter the empty nest period before the age of 50. They spend an average of about 25 years in the empty nest period," Feng Xiaotian said.

  Last year, Shi Weidong, a member of the National Committee of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference and president of Nantong University, called on the state to introduce a policy of nursing leave for only children. According to incomplete statistics, as of now, more than 10 provinces such as Henan, Fujian, Guangxi, and Hainan have issued regulations on "only-child care leave", with holiday periods ranging from 10 to 20 days.

  According to Shi Weidong, the one-child family once made a significant contribution to the smooth implementation of the national population policy and economic and social development. The implementation of the one-child care leave policy reflects the commitment and responsibility of the Chinese government to the one-child family and is also a form of compensation for contributions to the one-child parents.

  Chen Yang remembered several meetings between the parents of both parties, always mentioning that he would live in a nursing home in the future and spend his own pension, "only give love to children without burden".

  She could not accept her parents to spend their old age in the nursing home, but if the nursing home conditions are very good and the parents are enjoying there, she will agree.

  A common conclusion in the research literature on old age security and family pension is that family pension is still the main form of social pension in China, but this form has already faced severe challenges. The fact that there is only one child not only often leads to the one-child parents stepping in earlier and experiencing the "empty nest" life for a longer time, and the one-child families do not have the objective foundation of the Chinese family pension model.

7

  From a young age to a big one, Li Xin has a habit that has not changed, and almost does not do housework when he is with his parents. Once he left his parents, he became very independent and the room and clothes were kept clean and tidy. "But when I have parents, I can't see any work at all."

  When the scholar Feng Wen interviewed the parents of the only child, the other party told her that they couldn't take everything for granted when they were young, because they had to compete with their siblings for their parents' favor. The one-child status has greater freedom from housework and may be related to the belief that parents spoil themselves.

  As the only child, Li Xin has been involved in family affairs since childhood, although he "only has the right to participate, to suggest but not to make decisions." In the fifth grade of elementary school, when the family improved the housing, his parents would tell him how much the house was and how much it would cost to decorate. He knows both his parents' income and his family's savings.

  From the third year of college, Li Xin felt that his parents' vision and experience could no longer support their choices. Contacting brothers, mentors, alumni who play football together, and those "high-level people", his values ​​and career are changing, "close to Stanford and far away from home."

  His status at home has also shifted to "having decision-making power." In the face of career choices, Li Xin decided to leave the state-owned enterprise to start a company. Although his parents "have 10,000 disagreements" in his heart and believed that "iron rice bowl" was more important, he failed to stop him.

  In his view, parents ’decades of experience living in small places can no longer provide advice to children, and he is no longer a child who listens to his parents’ arrangements for interest classes.

  Nowadays, his parents' savings have become meager. He helped his parents make financial planning. He became a window for parents' cognitive growth. Before going to university, Li Xin's parents did not have much concept of Beijing. He believes that through himself, his parents' familiarity with Tsinghua or Beijing will definitely far exceed those around him.

  Li Xin envied the experience of growing up with children with many children, but he also had a lot of confusion "beyond the world view". For example, he could not understand why his brothers and sisters would tear their faces because of little money, but they would be united when they encounter major events in the family.

  "I don't think we will rip faces for this thing, especially family." He doesn't know whether this is related to the experience and environment of growing up in a family with many children. "Not only in rural areas, but in the cities, there are few things like real estate competition?"

  At this point, he felt that he might belong to an "isolated role". I don't understand the competition between my parents, nor do I want to see that my children have similar behaviors.

  After the mother became ill, Chen Yang observed that her mother ’s trust and dependence on her sisters and sisters was sometimes much higher than herself. She explained to her mother many times that "this medicine before chemotherapy boosts immunity and protects cells." The mother did not listen. But the aunt only told her once. Not only did her mother listen very carefully, she also carried out “literacy” on Chen Yang.

  "That's the two sisters, do you know? It's a particularly strong and indestructible relationship." Chen Yang said.

8

  Over the past few decades, the average household size in China has shrunk from 4.33 in 1953 to 3.03 in 2011, and the natural population growth rate has dropped from over 20 ‰ in the 1950s to 4.79 ‰ in 2011.

  On January 1, 2016, a comprehensive two-child policy was implemented, and the "one-child era", which lasted for many years, was terminated.

  In Li Xin's view, the aging of society is too fast, "I feel responsible and obliged to have at least two children."

  As early as four or five years ago, Cai Ranran's mother suggested that she "have a second child" as soon as possible. The mother suggested that if the second child was born, he could retire at 55 and continue to help her with the child. Cai Ranran and her husband agreed, but the second child did not arrive.

  There is always a difference between fertility behaviors and fertility wishes. The data shows that the two-child policy has not reversed the situation of neonatal “falling endlessly”. According to the latest data released by the National Bureau of Statistics, the number of births nationwide in 2019 has decreased by 580,000 compared with 2018. This is the number of births in China that has declined for three consecutive years since the implementation of the comprehensive two-child policy.

  Some scholars pointed out in the study that the "two-independent couple" willingness to have a second child is only about 30% -40%.

  "I'm focused on work now, so that my daughter can have an advantage in the competition in the future." Cai Ranran said that the university students at the same level are working hard, and the consensus they reached was, " The children of "people of this level" will be the main force in the fierce competition in the future-too unqualified, too good to have a "golden spoon."

  Cai Ranran's daughter is 1,000 yuan per month in a public kindergarten. My daughter's current "young to small bridging class" and interest classes cost more than 8,000 yuan per month. In a private elementary school she likes, the "entry fee" costs 300,000 yuan. The second child is becoming less and less important to her, and it is more like a icing on the cake after fame and fortune.

  Chen Yang felt lonely while seeking medical advice and medicine and caring for his mother. "If you don't consider the cost of raising children, I am willing to regenerate 10." But now considering the material costs and effort of raising children, she feels that only one child is enough.

  Many only-children only grew up knowing that the "factory setting" of their own only-child was the "modern pioneer set by the state." Some people say that they hope to realize their parents' desire to cultivate-"be a useful person to the society and the country", but they also hope to take responsibility for the family.

  "First of all, there is poetry and distance in front of me." This is another new view Chen Yang recognized after her mother became ill.

  (At the request of the interviewee, Chen Yang and Cai Ranran became pseudonyms. Li Yajuan, a reporter from China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily, also contributed to this article.)

  China Youth Daily · China Youth Daily reporter Ma Yuping Xuan Zengxing Source: China Youth Daily