You will not be forcibly right

The well-known TV presenter Regina Todorenko, being on isolation, gave an interview to Peopletalk, in which she spoke out extremely unsuccessfully about domestic violence, in particular stating that many of the victims were to blame.

“You need to be such a psychologically ill person who takes the camera and says:“ God, my husband beats me ... ”And why, didn’t you think about it? And what have you done so that he does not beat you? And what did you do to hit you? ” - in particular, Todorenko said.

Then she spoke on the same topic live on Instagram with the editor-in-chief of Glamor magazine Ilyana Erdneeva. “Woman of the Year” (according to the same Glamor) spoke even more unsuccessfully: “Psychologists proved that a woman really likes to be a victim ... And subsequently, when there is some act of physical violence, in the morning she gets up and becomes a savior: her husband beat, when he was drunk, and in the morning she brought him pickle and soup and began to read moral teachings to him. "

The scandal began, the title "Women of the Year" Glamor magazine recalled Regina Todorenko. Later, the TV presenter published two posts with an apology, saying that she did not understand what domestic violence was and what its victims really faced, and also called for support of a number of NGOs that help victims of domestic violence. But the blogosphere could no longer be stopped: Todorenko and her spouse, singer Vlad Topalov, had curses and wishes of the worst that were multiplying in the accounts for a day. PepsiCo stopped the J7 juice ad campaign, which the broadcaster was facing, saying the company was “shocked by the remarks” and opposed “against violence in all forms.”

Let's agree on the shore. The statement of a very good and talented TV presenter Regina Todorenko is very stupid and unacceptable. Violence in any form, of course, has no right to exist. Neither men in relation to women, nor women in relation to men. Neither to elderly parents, nor to children (the situation “accidentally collided our foreheads in a narrow corridor in the dark” we, of course, do not take into account). A law on the prevention of domestic violence is needed (you can argue about specific points and approaches), as well as the creation of an infrastructure to help victims of such violence. By the way, the wife may not necessarily be the victim of domestic violence. It could be a husband. Remember the story of Amber Heard and Johnny Depp? Somewhere, elderly parents can be beaten for years, and somewhere at that very moment a child is tormented, who is kept fastened to the battery to punish. The problem of domestic violence exists, especially in self-isolation times.

And yet in this situation there are several big buts.

Regina Todorenko is a TV presenter, not a State Duma deputy, not an expert, and not an academician. And, unfortunately, in this situation, she expressed an opinion that is shared by many ordinary people, including, alas, who have gone through situations of domestic violence. “The victim must fight back”, “No need to provoke”, “Be wiser” and even “Beat - it means love” - this is what we hear all the time. Not all ordinary people know about the number of women in Russian colonies who killed husbands in an attempt to give the same rebuff. That if a woman jumped out at night in the frost in slippers to the street, then she had nowhere to go. About the shame of admitting that I became such a victim. On the psychological dependence of the victim on the aggressor, and so on.

So here. The inhabitants who share this opinion should be educated. Explain, show, tell, then explain again. Again, personally Todorenko can in no way adversely affect the fate of the law “On Prevention of Domestic Violence”, unlike some deputies of the State Duma, who have much more information and who knowingly transmit the position that there is no domestic violence, or is this normal.

Todorenko was attacked by the whole crowd, wanting not to enlighten her, but - let's be honest - to trample on. So, I have very bad news. In this case, knights in white coats (or rather, white pajamas) are trying to defeat evil - evil. They themselves are engaged in psychological violence, that is, bullying. Cyberbullying is also a form of violence.

The second but in this story is the disproportion of error and punishment. The TV presenter uttered several silly phrases, for which they are trying to deprive her of all ranks and work. At the same time, the same Marat Basharov, who recently admitted in an interview on television that he had beaten his wives, continues to calmly conduct the “Battle of psychics”. Regina Todorenko is clearly not Harvey Weinstein or even Amber Heard, who first accused her ex-husband Johnny Depp of domestic violence, but in fact, as it turned out, she herself was beaten.

Moreover, I myself repeatedly found myself under a barrage of public disapproval for certain phrases, after which I apologized.

Todorenko was wrong. And she had the conscience to apologize. The mistake and the ongoing public execution are already disproportionate.

There is a third point called self-isolation. In normal times, I repeat, we hear enough of such statements, including from State Duma deputies or simply eminent people. For example, a year ago, on TV host Ksenia Sobchak, producer Yana Rudkovskaya said: “One of the spouses should be wise in marriage, because if everyone shows their character, the marriage will not take place ... Either you live and endure everything, and swear, and so on, or you show female wisdom. "

Statements of Rudkovskaya then no one noticed. Or here’s the State Duma deputy from the Communist Party, the head of the family affairs committee Tamara Pletneva openly stated: “We have different women - not European, not American. They cry today, forgive tomorrow. ” “I do not have this problem. I don’t know for you. ” “On the one hand, women should not be beaten. On the other hand, people here are quickly reconciling. To the husband this order will be written out or put, God forbid. And who will earn the money? ” And nothing, Pletneva continues to be a State Duma deputy and a welcome guest on television.

Unfortunately, in self-isolation against the background of a general alarming situation in connection with the coronavirus, people need to throw out the negative somewhere. And Todorenko became an ideal punching bag for them.

What could be the way out of the situation? Since Todorenko is clearly not Pol Pot and not Hitler, but just a TV presenter who made a stupid statement, there is no need to destroy it. We must give her a chance to correct herself and at the same time enlighten her subscribers, among whom there are many ordinary people who do not know anything about the real problem of domestic violence. Destroyed Todorenko seriously amuse your personal pride? Will help fight for victims of domestic violence? No. But Todorenko will help. No, not even to myself, but to a big common cause. Help specific victims of domestic violence.

Great common things - they are not only for knights in white coats. They are for those who made a mistake and want to fix it.

The author’s point of view may not coincide with the position of the publisher.