- Since confinement, parents have been living in isolation with their children. And have to take the class at home, household chores and sometimes telecommuting.
- Some are on the verge of saturation and family conflicts intensify.
- Before undergoing a parental burnout, it is necessary to review your priorities, enlist the help of a psychologist or friends and re-establish dialogue within the family unit.
The house turned upside down from the confinement, the duties to manage, the conflicts between brothers and sisters to arbitrate… For a month and a half, the nerves of the parents have been severely tested. Even if they love their children and they have perceived the period as an opportunity to devote more time to them, in time the camera can sometimes be very hard to bear.
This is what Axelle confides, who responded to our call for witnesses: “I have been with my 7-year-old son since the start of confinement and it is starting to be long. Between school at home and the lack of activity, it is not easy. I take care of everything on my own and yes, I crack. Often I cry at night. This accumulation of things to manage, without the possibility of going out to change your ideas is not simple ”. A distress often heard by psychiatrist Anne Raynaud *, during her consultations. Especially since telework, combined with household chores and class at home, is difficult to manage in the long term. “Parents have gone from sprinting to marathon. They are always driven by the cult of performance, even in times of confinement. And succeeding on all fronts is almost mission impossible, ”explains the psychiatrist.
" It's hell "
John admits that he finds it difficult to assume all these roles: “I am a dad in telework alone with three young children, in alternate custody and in an apartment. The mental burden is too great. The children are left to fend for themselves while I work. Because doing lessons at 10 p.m. becomes too much. Too much is too much, sometimes I want to cry, ”he says. Ditto for Jennifer, security manager in a large company and mother of two children “The homework lists for my children are growing and so are my professional tasks. It quickly becomes exhausting to manage my agents who are on sick leave, management of means of protection, replacements, customer requests, while taking care of my children. My days are punctuated by work meetings and at the same time, fractions and nominal groups! ", She explains.
And having several children further complicates the situation, according to Anne Raynaud: “The child's anxiety caused by confinement will lead him to seek more from his parents. But the latter are not going to be very available to him, because they have to share between several children. So if the child does not get the comfort he is looking for, he will be more likely to be agitated, to oppose, to cry, to have trouble sleeping or to withdraw. ” she. This is what Julie experiences: “It's hell. I have three children of very different ages, so various requests to manage: homework, activities, bickering ... Telework in parallel, meals to prepare, shopping, cleaning ... Not to mention our neighbors who harass us suddenly text messages and tap against the ceiling as soon as the children laugh, play or cry, ”she explains.
"Over time you become irritable"
And the more the weeks pass, the more the risk of conflict increases, as Tamara notes: “I can observe a change of character in my 4 year old daughter. She responds more and more, does not want to obey. The most painful moment is going to bed. ” Same observation for Celia, mother of two: “The first fifteen days went pretty well: we found games to do. From the third week, we accused the blow. Over time, you become irritable: we raise our voices more often and we are also more annoyed, ”she admits. "We try to stay calm, but there are times with my wife, when we have to scream in the house to make us tender," says Olivier.
Having no help from their spouse also increases the distress felt by the other parent. Adeline, mother of two lives this situation: “I have no break, I am always on the alert between my children and the house to manage. My husband works, but in the evenings and weekends, he spends them sprawled on the sofa sleeping or playing on his phone which leads to arguments. I am the cleaning lady, the mistress, the mom, the cook… I just want to spend several hours in a row alone ”she says. “Some parents are close to burnout. Especially since they also bear the full brunt of all the uncertainties linked to the health crisis and they have to filter their own concerns so as not to transmit them to their children, ”analyzes Anne Raynaud. And as if that were not enough, many of them feel guilty: “Now, it is completely normal to be tired by his days with his children. Because we are not made to live 24 hours a day together, "says the psychiatrist.
"What matters most is to preserve family serenity"
In order not to crack definitively, parents must review their priorities, according to her: "You have to prioritize your objectives. By dropping ballast on household chores and homework for school. Because what matters most is to preserve family serenity. A child who has retained a certain emotional stability during confinement will be able to catch up on school. ” Parents on the verge of cracking should not hesitate to ask for help either: “It can be by seeking psychological support from a professional, who will offer a neutral space to pour out his emotions. Or by asking for help from a friend or family member living nearby, who will take over from the children, ”recommends the psychiatrist.
A family update can also be effective: “It is useful to empower the children and ask them to participate in household chores. We must also take care to devote a moment to each child to offer them a quality of real presence. Getting him to talk about what made him happy or angry during his day is also essential to defuse his frustrations, ”advises Anne Raynaud. And even if it is difficult, each parent must take care of himself: “To take care of your children, you must give yourself time and space. By devoting a moment of her day to a rejuvenating activity or by calling friends who may be experiencing the same parental fatigue, ”explains the psychiatrist.
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* Anne Raynaud is the author of The emotional security of the child, Marabout, 16.90 euros.
- Family
- Covid 19
- Containment
- Coronavirus
- Deconfinement
- Society
- Child