The mental load of women only increases during this confinement - Pixabay

  • For twenty-three days, France has been confined. A situation that widens many inequalities, especially between men and women.
  • According to an Ifop poll on Wednesday, 49% of households argue more often than before about household chores, when the main subject of contention for parents concerns the education of children (37%).
  • If confinement often worsens the relationship of inequality, it is also accompanied by an awareness among women.

“Confinement marks the end of a lie between me and myself. Before, I convinced myself that if he did nothing at home, it was because the job tired him or that he was rarely there. Now that he is technically unemployed and that he does not make one, the truth breaks me to the face, "despairs Aline *, mother of 42 years. The truth has the smell of dirty laundry on the floor, the vision of the dishes in the sink and the sound of the cries of the child not wanting to go to bed. Housework which her husband, now 24 hours a day at home, never takes care of, causing many crises. "I'm going to go crazy seeing him sitting on the chair doing nothing for the foyer. Often the tone rises, the argument breaks out and the reproaches are heard.

This couple is far from an exception. According to an Ifop survey "My house will crack" published on Wednesday, 49% of households say they argue more about household chores than before confinement. A significant increase, which can be explained in many ways. First, the end of easy excuses. Céline Piques, spokesperson for Dare Feminism, launches the charge: “What we see is that men and fathers do not do household chores not for lack of availability but of will. The abandonment of male privileges is refused, and it is always up to women to take care of the most thankless and time-consuming tasks. "

No surprise but reflections

What cause a lot of despair for the spokesperson, but no surprise or surprise: “Simone de Beauvoir already had located the home and the family as the paroxysms of domination and inequality. Women find themselves locked in the most unfair place for their gender, in a family organization which we know is very difficult to question. "

But what is currently happening in French homes is something to think about. “It shows, for example, that paternity leave, which many have called for to improve the situation, will be useless without questioning the men and their education. We must change cultural habits, more than wanting to tackle questions of duration and time, which are only false excuses. "

Children at home, the final blow

The situation becomes all the more explosive and unlivable when a new task has been grafted, and not the simplest: school at home. "How do you want to manage telework, household chores and two children in one day?" I make four-five hour nights to have time to take care of everything. Once again, it's up to me to sacrifice myself and my health, ”says Aline. Also according to the Ifop study, the education of the child would be the main reason for couples' disputes, at 37% of the vote.

The educational task seems even more unevenly distributed than the others, as Chloé *, 29 years old and French professor at the college notes: "In video lessons, in the response emails we receive, it's 95% mothers who stick to it. It's sad to say but it makes me happy not to have children yet, given the lack of implication of my guy for the cleaning, I know that it is I who should have stuffed myself the duties of our children as well. "

Invisible work

The teacher cannot help drawing a parallel between her profession and domestic tasks. Formerly discredited, the role of teacher knows a return in grace thanks to the confinement, the parents having understood that it was not that easy to teach their children (and that their kids were actually more dissipated than "High potential"). “Why doesn't this sudden recognition also apply to household chores?” She wonders. For a while, I thought that we would also see a real awareness of the domestic difficulty and the work of women. But I must be too optimistic… ”

For Céline Piques, the problem - the invisibility of domestic tasks - remains the same as before confinement: “There is this idea that what happens in the home does not concern society. As long as we judge the household and educational tasks of parents economically worthless or free, there will be no awareness. A study by Ariane Pailhé and Anne Solaz in an article published at the end of 2019 in the European Journal of Sociology showed that women took care of the house 160 minutes a day, compared to only 115 for men.

Omnipresent fear

Added to these figures of conjugal violence which explode, and which could only be the emerged part of a much darker reality. But whether the number is minimized or not, it is inevitably in a corner of the head at the time of starting a dispute - or to move back: "I contest less and less, confides Elsa *, housewife of 34 years. I'm already exhausted. Then what would it be used for? And then, when he raises his voice, I'm more afraid than before. We are both locked up, if this goes wrong, what will I do? So, I stopped commenting on the dishes he doesn't do or the apartment he gets dirty. An argument could be too costly, I take care of everything in silence. "

A step back strategy noted by Françoise Brié, spokesperson for Solidarité Femmes (at 3919), member of the High Council for Equality and director of Escale, reception and accommodation center for women victims of violence. "For fear of suffering even worse, women will have protective strategies in terms of sharing parental tasks, or even further ... They will accept more things, or give up fighting on more subjects, for fear that it would further aggravates their cases. This tragic scenario grows darker when children are present "where to protect them from the vision of an explosion of violence, women will submit even more."

Awareness

But there is an evolution in the perception of women of their own situation. “Since confinement, there has been an awareness among some women of the violence they undergo, whether it is violence in the distribution of domestic tasks, verbal or physical violence, which dates back to before confinement. The relationship of domination is more evident for them, ”concludes Françoise Brié following numerous calls received.

Chloé * has questioned her couple's plans since confinement: “It is now clear that we will not have children until he does more household chores. I don't want to take care of education alone, and currently, he doesn't seem ready to share. "

And since we already see the horde of "All men are not like that", "some do the housework", we nevertheless found a testimony of a couple with a man participating in household tasks. Come on, it's a gift. Emma *, 27, testifies with embarrassed enthusiasm: “There is an equal distribution of household tasks, he does the dishes, cleaning etc. one in two. I tell myself that I'm lucky. But precisely, to consider that as an opportunity is part of the problem. "

* The first names have been changed.

Society

Coronavirus: At the time of confinement, how to fight against domestic violence?

Society

Despite the 35-hour reform, women still do more housework than men

  • Violence against women
  • Sexism
  • Containment
  • Coronavirus
  • Society
  • Women