>> Confinement against the coronavirus complicates our daily lives and prevents us from doing a multitude of things. In particular to see the relatives who do not live with us. This is the case of Solène, who is used to seeing her parents regularly but can no longer visit them. She feels depressed. In "Sans Rendez vous" this Tuesday on Europe 1, the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc would like to reassure her and encourage her to take advantage of this special moment to review the look she has on herself.
Solène's question
I miss my parents, whom I used to see regularly, and I worry about them. Why in this time of confinement, I feel the depression rising? Is it not due to the absence of bonds of affection with my loved ones?
Catherine Blanc's response
"We are faced with something that we have little opportunity to experience: face to face with ourselves. We can then only see the value that others have for us, for our safety, our maintenance and our look at our personal value. So it's a good opportunity to observe that we give too much the opportunity to the other to make us be. When I say 'give the opportunity', it is not to give it power is that we give others the way they look at us and the value that is ours. However, we would have to equip ourselves with qualities and skills, experience a small victory every day in everything we can do on our own, without the others. "
Can thinking that this distance with loved ones is useful can comfort us?
"It is important to tell ourselves that not seeing others serves to protect them. We do not always have a role to play in everyday life alongside our parents. They can do without us. However, we can show our love in This distance is an opportunity to show it in a different way. We do not have to be close, in systematic embrace of each other to show our love.
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It is a wonderful opportunity to understand that love does not need to lack distance. Because even in the distance, we can continue to love each other and experience loving ourselves. Often we only love each other because we can note the love we have and the importance we have for others. It is interesting that everyone learns to do with themselves and in the sweetness of pleasure: we call each other, we remember our good memories with others, we promise each other things to come. Taking care of us is also taking a nice distance. "
At times like these, the feeling of helplessness can also be unbearable ...
"Certainly, especially if the parents are old, in difficulty and lack autonomy. It seems essential to us to always be there. A feeling of guilt can then win us, since we are not in capacity, since prohibited , to be with them. It’s an opportunity for everyone, young and old, to realize that they can do without each other, without lacking in love and by referring to more late what they can bring physically. We bring a lot just by thinking about each other. This feeling of saying that we feel helpless to love our parents is to nourish idea that we would be all powerful in rescuing them absolutely. We are neither helpless nor all powerful. We would so much like to have the ability to be the superhero of those we love and our parents first. "
Does this trend affect people prone to depression first?
"It is true that some have propensities for soul waves or even depression or depression. But we all experienced these kinds of episodes in our very early childhood, our adolescence and at key moments in our history and that of confinement can also be one. We can all be affected by this, especially when we lose a little of our activity. When we are very active, we don't realize it. We can always assess ourselves a lot stronger than its neighbor. But it is simply because we have opportunities to flee that offers us for example our work or our concerns with our children. However, that does not mean that if a suddenly everything calmed down, everything calmed down, it wouldn't always be comfortable. "