Long vacation overwhelms young mothers

On March 28, at Wuhan Railway Station, a little girl and mother prepared to take the subway. China Youth Daily · China Youth Daily reporter Zhao Di / photo

In these two months, the post-90s mother Chen Yimeng and the first-grade son of the elementary school got on the bar. While roaring online classes, he quietly consulted a psychiatrist.

In fact, Chen Kunmeng's son transitioned from kindergarten to elementary school, and the real time in the classroom was only a few months. The teacher lectured online. He scribbled on the book, didn't finish the homework, and even fell asleep during the class.

"I gave my son time for shopping, manicure, and singing k! However, his behavior was crazy." During the epidemic, Chen Maomeng, who was with his son all day, revealed his grievances.

More than an anxiety, Chen Kunmeng. After the outbreak, many mother women felt the pressure on home education increased sharply, not only to take care of their children's meals at home, but also to take part of the responsibility for school education. Some are still struggling to please, and have paid a lot, but as a result, the parent-child relationship has become more tense, "more tired than going to work."

During the epidemic, the psychological counseling hotline received a lot of help from anxious mothers

During the epidemic, Li Yihua, deputy chief physician of the Department of Psychology and Psychiatry of the Second People's Hospital of Guangdong Province, and his colleagues were busy with psychological intervention. They received a lot of requests from mothers for more than 300 people.

These mother-seeking children are mainly concentrated in primary and secondary school. The epidemic situation has changed students' daily habits, exposing various problems in study and life.

The reporter found in interviews that many hospitals in Guangzhou opened free psychological counseling hotlines, and Guangzhou 12355 youth service hotlines also received many such cases. The subject of the consultation was almost "mother" in each family, but the questions were surprisingly similar: "playing games online, answering questions and eating breakfast", doing homework and copying answers, "shadowed", "working with parents" ... ...

On March 28, at Wuhan Railway Station, Jin Han (middle) and his family who had just got off the train were going home. Jin Han is 10 years old. Her parents run a supermarket in Wuhan. China Youth Daily · China Youth Daily reporter Zhao Di / photo

Overwhelmed mothers not only have problems such as psychological anxiety and depression, but also physical manifestations of emotional disorders such as headache and palpitation, and some even have thoughts of resignation. Statistics from the Department of Psychology and Psychology of the Second People's Hospital of Guangdong Province found that these mothers who sought help had basically not encountered such problems before. Most of them had no history of mental illness and substance abuse, and no other history of special diseases.

Liang Fang is an executive of a foreign company in Guangzhou. Due to epidemic control, he is currently working remotely from home. At first, she thought that because of the epidemic, the distance between mother and daughter was reduced, and she planned and learned to cook with confidence. Who knew that the 8-year-old daughter didn't buy it?

Liang Fang described that during this time she was more difficult to fight with her children than to deal with tricky customers. As a professional woman, she often had video conferences with her leading colleagues. The naughty child yelled behind her as background music, making her mother ashamed and difficult to attack. She also had to be free at work. Switch to the education channel, synchronize with the school's online education, complete the tasks in the class group to check in, and follow the parents' comments to like it. What makes her unacceptable is that the daughter who used to be clever in her eyes sometimes sometimes was stunned by the class and scolded her homework for a few words and shouted at her.

The husband who spoiled his daughter to heaven also repeatedly hit Liang Fang, believing that she did not find the right way to get along with her daughter. The distressed granddaughter also blamed Liang Fang and said, "When you went to work, the child didn't know how regular the time was, but you have crooked the child during this time." All of the child's fault was attributed to Liang Fang, which was close to the edge of collapse She decided to see a psychiatrist.

Xiao Hua was a primary school English teacher. On the first day of online classes, she was so nervous that she couldn't sleep. In the morning, she had to settle her son in a room for lessons, then set up the equipment first, and give lessons to her students. In the first class, she failed because she couldn't make a sound from the computer jam. It was then that she remembered her son in the room.

However, Xiao Hua managed the hundreds of online students, but he couldn't convince his children to listen carefully. This ambivalence has always entangled her. The sir on the side, just be a shopkeeper and not participate in mother-child disputes. His reason is very simple. No special teacher can deal with a small baby, let alone a "non-professional" person.

The transfer of educational functions highlights the problem of family education

"Previously, teachers were responsible for class discipline. During the epidemic, parents divided half of the work that teachers have to do." Zhang Xinhua, director of the Guangdong Provincial Committee for Adolescents and Mental Health Development, said that it was precisely because of this transfer of educational functions that The problem of education for young families is highlighted.

"It's not that mothers don't discipline well, but that education functions are different." Zhang Xinhua advised mothers not to be frustrated. It is not your problem, but that "mother" does not have the function of "teacher". This is home, and the child's understanding of home, "You will be good to me no matter what." The mother is too secure, there can be any "scattering", and the child can be unbridled.

Online teaching is different from classroom teaching. In the absence of peer companionship and teacher supervision, it is more difficult for children to concentrate on persisting for a full day of learning. Li Yihua, deputy chief physician of the Department of Psychiatry of the Second People's Hospital of Guangdong Province, admitted that the younger the child, the more problems he has. Because self-discipline is not strong, it will be more exposed, and it will increase the pressure on parental supervision and supervision.

At the same time, Xiao Hua, a teacher and mother, realized this more deeply. She found that despite her careful preparation to make online teaching as exciting as possible, many students on the screen were still "wandering." She also understands that the teacher is not a cartoon character, the course has no plot, no excitement, and it is difficult to focus the students' attention. Coupled with the lack of restraint in the home environment, it is difficult to have a disciplined atmosphere.

"The child has been on the Internet all day, which makes mothers who normally restrict their children's use of computers and iPads even more contradictory." Xiao Hua said that as a mother, she usually does not allow children to protect their eyesight. Prolonged use of electronics. But now the school's courses are online, and not only the school, online tutoring, go and other interest classes are on the line, making mothers very anxious about their children's vision, but there is no way.

A cartoon that is widely circulated on WeChat portrays the "Old Mother Waiting for Online Class" as a "multi-handed Quanyin"-a collection of babysitters, class teachers, physical education teachers, typing girls, purchasers, cooks , Punch card, sparring and many other roles in one.

"In this family discipline, young mothers are more likely to have conflicts with their children." Li Yihua said that being in this state for a long time, they will have a sense of burnout, and the family atmosphere is full of negative energy. For the professional women who pay attention to efficiency, they usually spend less time with their children, because the epidemic is "home", taking care of the household and bringing the children, and life and work cannot be separated, and they will face more pressure.

Li Yihua pointed out that most of the frustrations of young mothers are small things that are "trivial" on their children. As parents and teachers, they are different in discipline. They are groups in schools, which can easily form norms and learn more efficiently. At home, emotional attachment will be higher, if the rules of the school, children will certainly not listen.

How to help anxious mothers out of trouble

"Accepting and agreeing with the existence of anxiety will not be controlled by emotions." Xu Qiongshan, a national second-level psychological counselor, believes that such anxiety is normal and common. When we notice that we have some anxiety, we can first make a psychological self-measurement table, evaluate our anxiety index, find the source of anxiety and analyze the source of anxiety, conduct self-adjustment or consult professionals, "Do not put pressure on our own life or work In children. "

Xu Qiongshan gave tips to relieve anxiety: First, exercise properly. Dopamine excreted by exercise can make people feel happy and relaxed, and parent-child exercise can further promote family harmony. The second is to respect children. Each child has his own way of learning, properly guides the child, and establishes a sense of security and trust with the child that "you need my help to resist the temptation, such as when the mother is on the Internet." The third is to divert attention. Parents should cultivate their own hobbies and don't focus all their attention on their children. Interested parents can also learn adolescent mental health content and parent-child communication skills to improve themselves.

Yang Qiuyuan, director of the psychiatry department and registered supervisor of Guangzhou Rehabilitation Center, admits that in the family, it is usually the mother who manages many children and is tired of the close attachment relationship all day long. It is too easy to cause the border to be ambiguous. Dads have less time to manage their children, they are more principled, and their boundaries are clearer.

"In China, my father's participation in the family and children is not enough, and my mother is too tired." Yang Qiuyuan believes that mothers take care of their careers and their families, and sometimes they are more anxious. This is a problem that Chinese women generally face, so Quite typical. However, they were met by the post-90s mothers. Many of them were only children and were taken care of in the family before becoming mothers. Being "mighty" after being a mother is a big challenge for them.

"Anxiety" varies from person to person. The call of "Mom" every day is so noisy that she ca n’t even rest in the toilet. Lin Bin, who has 3 babies, has not disliked it, and she cherishes and appreciates it for the first time. together. The innocence and purity of the children, even if they are careful thinking, are all in their eyes. They don't have the complicated thoughts of dealing with adults and the intricate relationships of various pit fathers. The bear hugs from the "beasts" are still warm.

In Lin Bin's home, in addition to the junior third sister who consciously prepares for the exam, there are also two younger brothers who go to elementary school and kindergarten. They have to stare at learning and refrain from playing games. "Squeeze your free time and avoid anxiety." Lin Bin's solution is to have an hour of personal free time every day, or take a walk downstairs; or take music while bathing and let yourself be empty; or the children sleep After writing, watch some favorite TV series or books.

In Lin Bin's circle of friends, there are all kinds of food, flowers, and troubled children. She thinks the best way to vent is to chat with her girlfriends and chat in the cloud. They will find that each family has bear children. There are no bears, only more bears. I was less anxious. "Anyway, every mother is regretful while scolding her baby. After remorse, she should continue to fight and scold."

Many educators are not surprised at all about anxious mothers during the epidemic.

He Yong, principal of Guangzhou Zhixin Middle School, said that many mothers are anxious about uncertainty and comparative mentality. "Take a step back and the sky is wide! Children in all families are facing the same problem. In fact, it may be better to think in other places." After all, children are children and cannot be disciplined like adults. Let ’s take a long vacation for children. Find something that your child likes to do, and take care of school lessons.

"Self-education is the highest realm of education, and the best learning is autonomous learning." Zhou Jie, a representative of the 19th National Congress and principal of Guangzhou Huayang Primary School, said that studying at home during the epidemic was a challenge, but it also undoubtedly gave it Children have an opportunity for self-education. Parents should guide their children to make a day schedule and cultivate children's good learning and living habits. "If the child feels that he has the right and ability to help his mother at home, and reflects the responsibility of the little master at home, it will make the child very valuable."

China Youth Daily • China Youth Daily reporter Lin Jie Source: China Youth Daily