- With the confinement measures, many adults went back to live with their parents for different reasons.
- A shock of generations "Tanguy" version that can go wrong.
- But which can also be an opportunity for some families to get closer.
A return to papa-mom which was not planned. With the containment measures, many adults returned to live with their parents. And the latter, who had gotten used to being in small groups or who were on a quiet retirement, find themselves with a "big" child at home. A cohabitation often forced because of the circumstances, as for Anne-Laure, who answered our call to witnesses: "I came back to my parents to celebrate my 30th birthday with the family on the weekend of March 13, and I stayed there ”.
Marjolaine, an emergency doctor, came to live with her parents with her family to be closer to the hospital where she works. It is therefore sometimes logistical constraints that guided this choice, as for Antoine: "I decided to go back to my parents to telecommute and benefit from an internet connection that I do not have in my Rennes accommodation". Some have also opted for this solution in order to live their confinement in the countryside or in a larger house, like Pauline, 34: “I live in Nantes in an apartment with my partner. My parents live on the coast in Pornic. We did not hesitate to join them for a long time, because they have a large house with a garden ”. Others have returned to the cradle of the family to lend a helping hand to their parents, like Tayet: “I returned to my 73-year-old mother's house with my 16-year-old daughter for confinement. I made this choice because I prefer to know that it is supported ”. Ditto for Justine: "I want to help my parents, because my mother had surgery recently," she says.
"We are doing adaptability work on ourselves"
“This cohabitation is exceptional, because it does not take place in the context of a vacation and its end is not planned. This is a historic situation for families, ”analyzes psychologist Valentin Spitz. Well aware of this, many parents and their “grown-up” children have put in place rules so that community life goes well. Like Sophie and her husband, who welcomed their 20 and 26 year old sons: “We just asked them to help and they do it without problem. If they don't think about it, we ask (trash, laundry, shopping, dishwasher ...) and they don't complain, ”she says. “I made a plan, taking care to distribute the tasks fairly, with in addition in the morning a sporting activity in the garden. It's going better than I thought, ”almost marvels Maria.
And the “Tanguy” in spite of themselves put in their own, like Nicolas, 42 years old: “I pass the pill by preparing almost all of the meals. Not only does this occupy me, but it also allows me to eat more or less balanced things (my mother being a real ch'ti who puts tons of butter everywhere!) ”. And everyone puts water in their wine, like Morgane, 30 years old: “We do a work on ourselves of adaptability and above all, we say things to get the most from the positive this mandatory backtracking ”.
"I have to rewrite the rules of when I was a teenager"
But this generation shock can sometimes go wrong. “This is especially the case for young adults who have recently fled the nest and have sometimes won their autonomy hard. After the first pleasant days of the "teen revival", the old conflicts start to flare up again. Tensions that concern household chores, the habits of parents who can irritate or their overly intrusive questions about private life, "observes Valentin Spitz via the teleconsultations he has been carrying out since confinement. This is what Steve, 23, lives: “We do not agree on the menus, the meal schedule, the time to wash, to operate the hair dryer… Mom going to bed early , you shouldn't make too much noise, so the showers in the evening, as well as the television too strong, it's not worth it. Ditto for Clemence: “I love my parents, but sometimes they are annoying when they think they are doing well. "Come eat !" And five minutes later: "It will cool". Back ten years back, I feel like I'm 12! "
An unpleasant feeling of regression that Julien, 27, also has: “I have to rewrite the rules of when I was a teenager, I can no longer live my life in peace. My mother is a vegetarian, me not at all. So here, no meat! I'm a real night owl and wake up late. But here, as early as 9 a.m., it gets busy at home. The hardest part is that I don't feel at home, it's no longer my bedroom, it has become my father-in-law's office ”.
"It marks the common territory: stinky socks, all kinds of trash ..."
And for those who have been single for a few years, the shock is sometimes harsh: "I was no longer used to the noise of a life with many: dad who speaks at the same time as mom, the scraping of chairs on the floor, the dishes that collide, the doors slamming, the untimely use of the toilet flush at any time ... A permanent hubbub that ends up being exhausting. When you come back, you are no longer really at home, you are at home. We are no longer used to having someone come into his room unexpectedly, who asks you what you are doing on your phone, or who scrutinizes each of your moods and asks for explanations. To isolate oneself in one's room is interpreted as "you can't support us", "testifies Julien, a thirty-something.
For parents too, these backtracks are not obvious. As with our 45-year-old reader who finds herself living with her stepson: “He lives weirdly, rather at night. He has the motor skills of an elephant in a porcelain shop. It marks the common territory: stinky socks, rubbish of all kinds ... It pulls the mouth and rarely speaks to us, "she laments.
"Long live my mom and happy to be a Tanguy for a while"
But living under the same roof can also be an opportunity for families to get closer. Especially since they know that they will probably no longer have the opportunity to live together for so long in the future. "This can allow discussions that have never been allowed before, to resume his family history, or even to heal from certain injuries," notes Valentin Spitz. This is Morgana's feeling: “At first glance, this experience could be terrifying. But the distance from previous years and seeing my parents age can lead to a reversal of roles. And we rediscover each other, ”she says. "For me, this confinement is a way of thanking them for all that they have given me by making small gestures of attention, like going to the shops so that they are as little exposed as possible", also indicates Emérentienne , 28 years old.
This family closed door can also be reassuring for some, underlines the psychologist: "During major crises, the usual landmarks jump and the family is a safe haven". "It would have been much more anxiety-provoking for me to stay in 35 m2 for 6 weeks," says Jessica. "Long live my mom and happy to be a Tanguy for a while", summarizes Jean-Louis. And while we usually cross paths, this cohabitation allows us to see ourselves in a new light: “We return to the family nest with an adult look. This allows more distance and better understand his parents, "said the psychologist. "This cohabitation puts us face to face as adults, my son freely leads his life at home and I mine, I do not impose anything on him, he does not impose anything on me either", expresses one of our readers , who is hosting her 26 year old child. Moments that will leave their mark on families, according to Valentin Spitz: "This experience will leave strong memories in the family novel and will make some people want to see each other more often".
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- Coronavirus
- Containment
- Covid 19
- Family
- Housing