Thursday in the program "Sans Rendez-vous" on Europe 1, the sexologist Catherine Blanc answered Quentin's question. The latter wonders about the consequences of a family rejection on his sexuality. He hypothesizes a link between the fact that his parents never accepted his homosexuality and the intensity of his sexual activity, which is sometimes at risk.
Quentin's question
I am gay and I have always had intense sexual activity, sometimes at risk. Could this be related to the fact that my parents never really accepted me as I am?
Catherine Blanc's response
A rejection, whatever it is, on the part of the parents, leads to a reading on the child and a demand to be seen, heard, recognized with various practices, whether or not sexuality. This can potentially be an appropriation of negative reading about oneself, and a danger if necessary. If you feel that you are not loved, you can participate in your "love" for yourself.
Can parents' homophobia influence sexuality?
This can be the case by needing to be recognized by the greatest number, therefore by the greatest number of partners, and this in a somewhat ambivalent manner. Indeed, having a lot of partners also means not settling anywhere and not being recognized by a person who would take the time to love and build a relationship. Finally, he wants to be recognized by as many people as possible, but he doesn't get anywhere. In addition, he has risky behaviors, as if he is somehow trying to flirt with potential punishment.
Is the intensity of sexual activity only linked to parental rejection?
There is obviously a curiosity in every young man, homosexual or heterosexual, a curiosity about experience and the multiplication of experiences, especially in our time. Quentin insists that his homosexuality was not accepted and that there could be a link with his sexual activity. The wording of his question puts us on the track of parental rejection so I will only go in that direction.
Is attention seeking linked to a lack of love?
When we build ourselves we need to have confidence in our choices and in what we feel. It is difficult to appropriate your own way because you tend to be in the repetition of what our parents are and what our parents want for ourselves. It is very difficult to emancipate yourself from all this, and when a divergent sexuality is imposed, there is obviously a great fear of betrayal and infidelity in its culture and its education. The child needs to be reassured about his legitimacy to make other choices than those of the parents. It is therefore painful when the child is not accepted, it inevitably has the feeling that everything that is initiated in him has no place to be. There is a kind of mad race to find support, a society or a social group. Being in the homosexual inter-self allows you to find a place in which you can be recognized.
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Why look for risks?
To seek risks is to flirt with punishment. For example, if our parents do not want us to make the wall, not to make the wall is to risk remaining in submission to the parent. If something is important to me, I want to go anyway, but I wear the parental ban, and put myself in situations where the risk is greater. The child is always in a will to conquer his freedom, but he carries at the same time the parental prohibition. The adult has risky behaviors to always give the final and fair voice to the parent who prohibits.