"At the age of thirty, I said, but I think my parents were affected. You asked me about my first memories of my parents. I'm fighting, I'm crying in my room. My anxiety seems to have started since then. "

I am also my parents. This client found a source of serious anxiety from his parents. Not only this client. Most counselors, not induced, seek sources of personality traits from their parents. What you say is surprisingly common.

Clients suffering from anxiety disorders often hear stories about their parents who have had high levels of anxiety or anxiety in the past. The memories of loss, which suddenly fell from parents as a child, are often heard by people with depression. The stories of controlled parents in the case of eating disorders and achievement-oriented parents in the case of repeated self-harm often appear.

Parenting styles at an early stage of life have a positive impact on the child. For babies, parents are everything in the world, and relationships with parents are the prototype of future interpersonal patterns. Under the warm-hearted parents, we see the world as worthy of life, under the harsh parents, as scary places, and under inconsistent parents as confused places. The time formed at this time rarely changes even as an adult. It can change, but it takes a lot of effort and time.

The developmental theories of modern psychiatry have been formed through numerous direct observations by scholars, and I see living evidence of them every day. The basic perception that today's parenting style is very important for the formation of a child's personality. It's fortunate and desirable.

At the same time, however, doctors often feel that there are inevitable side effects. It is a story about guilt about not being a good parent. Parenting can't always go my way. If you leave home late, your child will be waiting for you later than your friends. When I go to work after work at night, I can't see my child's face. When I get home from work all day long, I don't listen to it, and the tug-turi is unknowingly ugly for my child. Is this because I want to? Of course, it's sad, but excessive self-reproach does not help. But the consciences of those who come to the office are usually larger. He is not good at rationalizing himself, and is rebuking and suffering.

Is there perfect parenting? Anyone who has raised a child will know. That's impossible. However, I am frustrated with the love of my child and the desire to give only good things. I also challenged perfect parenting. Working as a psychiatrist, I've seen countless times how early experiences have affected a person's life, so I've tried to grow as I learned. From what we have learned, the most important thing in parenting is to be sensitive to the baby's needs, react promptly, with affection and consistency.

It's really hard to say it. Good parents can tell the difference between whether the baby's crying is caused by hunger, because he is tired or because he is sleepy. Who would have said that memory that I had learned to remember? Could he really have figured out the cause of the baby crying? Once I was eliminated in terms of sensitivity. So I tried to fill it with the rest. Every time I cried, I hugged him immediately and consistently. I don't know why, but my child grew up bright and had a good relationship with me. One day after that, I collapsed my lumbar disc while wearing shoes on my way to work.

The second went more hands. I wanted to be anxious since my first word was 'dad', but I called my dad hundreds of times a day and solved all the communication in one word. As I was tired of meeting the needs of the child, my friends who were doing the podcast Brainstorming went on a trip with their family. There, all parents were comfortable talking and spending time. Except for me who has been caught by the second all day.

As everyone looked at the second time, looking for only their father, a friend who majored in pediatric psychology told me.

"In my opinion, my brother wants to raise 100 points too much. But of course it doesn't work and my tired parents show me 0 points. That's a lot worse for my child. Better for a child. "

Yes. I was repeating without realizing my past mistakes. When he meets with the lumbar disc for several days, he cannot forget the first cry. I was a zero-point dad who suddenly disappeared without explaining. Since then, back pain has gradually reduced the size of the 'emotion bowl' was easily annoyed by the child asking for a hug. Dad smiled and hugged suddenly in the same situation. This unpredictable appearance of 100 and 0 points confuses the child and prevents him from having a stable attachment. After listening to my friend's advice, I've been trying to lower my standards. Don't forget that what you need for your child's healthy growth is not enough parents, but good enough parents.

The growing number of double-earned families is also a factor in increasing the self-denial of young parents these days. Compared with his childhood. I can't spend much time with my child, and buy some food. I keep thinking that I am not doing my part as a parent. But it's not your fault. Just society has changed. If you can spend a lot of time interacting with your child, that's fine. But this too is harder than I thought. How heavy are you after work. Dad was shocked by the word 'gaking'.

Parents who are reading this now also want to focus on their children 30 minutes after work. I also want to challenge today as much as that time. Then put your smartphone away. And compliment yourself. I'm a good parent.