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Does male desire translate automatically into an erection? Can this physiological phenomenon do without any simulation? In the show Sans Rendez-Vous on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychiatrist, explains why men who struggle to have an erection too often tend to carry an accusing finger towards their partner, to avoid facing a problem which concerns them in the first place.
The question of Hélène 38 years old
"My husband is struggling to get an erection and tells me I'm not stimulating enough to feel excited, it makes me sad, what should I do?"
Catherine Blanc's answer
"A lot of couples say they're like that, because it's painful for a man to not get an erection, there are multiple factors that can explain that: having your head elsewhere, taking medications that cause impossibility, the symptoms of certain diseases, but also a faulty relationship, but a failing relationship is not limited to a woman who has not put herself on her 31 to be a source of excitement. there to do a circus act!
What is sad in this story is that this man seems to be struggling to face the reality of his difficulty. Perhaps he found another source of excitement and, by comparison, considers that his wife is not exciting? He went elsewhere on the plane of the imaginary, and defeats the seduction of his wife. Or maybe he's worried about getting old, and finds that his wife is no longer exciting because he's struggling with his own age. And his wife is fragile enough to think she has a responsibility in there.
It is a male violence against the woman who is obliged to be always on mission so that the man is reassured about himself. It is not acceptable. He narcissistically spoils his wife by sending back a very mediocre image, which is undoubtedly the image he has of himself.
How to explain an erection problem when the cause is not physiological?
Let's first stop thinking that all male erections are the expression of a desire. At times, men may be in desire without having an erection. There are piles of men who, because they often have erections, feel that they have no problem of desire, whereas they have difficulty eroticizing the relationship and their own body. Others, on the contrary, are in desire, but are also in unconscious guilt or have sufficient relationship difficulties to struggle to translate their desire by an erection. "
What can Helen do to feel better despite the criticism of her husband?
As a first step, she must tell her husband that he must have difficulty to be so violent. If he does not hear, she can consider going to talk to a specialist, but to solidify, to strengthen his competence to welcome as it is, with its femininity to eventually take the large !"