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What can happen in the darkness of the parental room? This issue usually haunts children, past the age when we can still believe that girls are born in roses and boys in cabbages. On Friday, at the microphone of Mélanie Gomez in Sans rendez-vous , Europe's health show 1, the psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc explains why parental sexuality fascinates as much as it revels. And above all, how can it indirectly influence our own relationship to sex.
The question of Élodie, 40
"Teenager, I found a dildo in the bedside table of my parents.It disgusted.Today still, this thought makes me very uncomfortable.I have a very classic sexuality What my husband blames me for, what do you think? "
Catherine Blanc's answer
"This event occurred at an age when one questions and constructs one's sexuality.It's not the object that poses a problem, but the fact of having returned to intimacy, to have had an idea, A vision of parental sexuality Of course, all children and adolescents have a curiosity of what happens between mom and dad, but while hoping that nothing happens.For Elodie, having seen a dildo, it's like having seen a real penis, even if it's not a symbolically, this dildo was no longer a sex toy, a sex toy, but an object that tells the reality of the sex life of his parents."
Why can we be so marked by the sexual life of his parents?
"The child is extremely ambivalent, he wants to know what is going on in his parents' intimate relationship, because he is looking for himself, he is looking for the role he could play. of his development, be it a girl or a boy, he may be in a desire to seduce the father or the mother.Sexuality is a way of telling oneself what will be a But this is something that the child wants to be able to develop, while refusing to imagine being able to participate in it, so he ends up getting stuck with his own imagination: the more he thought about dad and mom doing the same thing. love to imagine what he might once desire, the more he mixes and intertwines with parental sexuality, and thus feeds Oedipal anxiety, the anguish of breaking a taboo, that of incest.
Can the spectrum of parental sexuality go so far as to generate trauma?
"As Elodie imagines that her mother plays in intimacy, that it is not only a sexuality to have children but an eroticized sexuality, she opposes him a more traditional sexuality, for the purpose of potential procreation To make sure she does not live with her mother's sexuality, Elodie has scleroticized her sexuality in an extremely controlled environment.If she starts to play sexually, possibly with a dildo, she might be afraid to fantasize about her parents during the act.
She is always haunted by this image. People may be haunted by the ban of a parent to the point of having the impression, when they make love, that this parent enters the room to tell them: 'What are you in currently doing ?' In the case of Elodie, the solution is certainly not to try to have an explanation with her mother, it would be like starting to imagine it during the sexual act, because it will either be to defend itself, to tell his sex life. It may be better to talk to a therapist to solve this equation: Elodie wants an extremely standardized sexuality to guard against parental sexuality, but by keeping this memory, she continues to erotise it.