In the 21st century, do 'los rodriguez' still exist? Those middle-aged gentlemen, almost always city clerks who, controlled all winter by his self-sacrificing wife, did not see the time to say goodbye to the beach accompanied by the churumbeles (of course) to begin the big game of the summer league ( that used to be a foreigner, secretary or a naive small town).
In the 70s, 'el rodriguez' was a male stereotype that transgressed marital loyalties with the admiring applause of his fellow runners such as José Luis López Vázquez, Tony Leblanc and Antonio Ozores, in "The warm summer of Mr. Rodriguez" and with the complicit smile of the spectator of that time. The cinema reflected a rigid society in terms of family roles and focused with sorrow the difficulty of couple relationships without getting into many depths.
Being alone in summer became for the man the possibility of fantasizing about the spree and his erotic-happy ending as a runaway teenager. Perhaps 'rodriguez' was also the highest representative of the prevailing double standard . But today, do you see any of those 'rodriguez' around you? Is the stereotype of the married summer flirt still in force or is it expired?
DANGER
What we see in our work is that currently working in the summer while the couple is away is no longer exclusive to men. More and more women are those who stay working while they go on vacation with the children. It increases, in turn, the option of having a few days off separately, so that the relationship is in danger .
The beach is no longer the final destination of the family that can go with the parent on a trip to an adventure trip for fathers / mothers alone with children. And the erotic-hunting proposal has given way to other activities such as sports, seeing friends that you do not see in another time because of the many occupations and little by little the need to be able to occupy yourself exclusively, that "finally" time for me, "an unthinkable phrase for 'the rodriguez' of the last century who saw no benefit in solitude other than to seek female company again.
Loneliness is associated more and more with healthy and pleasant moments. As the philosopher Francesc Torralba expresses in his book 'The art of knowing how to be alone', we must dismiss the idea that loneliness, by definition, is negative . The encounter with ourselves and what is really important in our lives can be increased in situations where there is less outside noise.
Not everything should be acceptance, relaxation and meditation when we are without company. Although, paradoxically, having fun alone with activities such as going to the movies, the theater, the museum or eating alone in the favorite restaurant seems to be still censored by some internal code from earlier times for fear of being seen as someone who has no one to go out with. , a disinherited, an outcast.
Although this is a taboo that is gradually being overcome because they begin to prioritize the benefits that these activities report more than what the neighbor may think. Will I enjoy what I can alone or will I miss the opportunity? That is the question now. If you are one of those who do not like to be alone, dare to change the chip and accept the challenge. Regarding the question, are there infidels in summer? The answer is yes but more or less like the rest of the year.
TRAVEL ALONE
The other side of the coin are those people who have time, want to have fun, to change their airs and possibilities to do so, but find no one they know with whom to share it . Until recently we listened to the typical excuses to abandon the adventure before embarking on it: traveling alone is more expensive, more boring and more dangerous.
It is true that traveling without family or friends can make us feel more vulnerable because we have a responsibility for our safety and the need to bet on the development of our freedom. There is even an anxiety disorder called autophobia that is the irrational fear of feeling lonely and isolated. These people may experience great discomfort at the idea of having to spend the holidays alone since fear goes beyond being physically alone and connects with the feeling of not being able to trust themselves to make decisions and feel ignored.
However, it is increasingly common to see people traveling alone , the outcast complex is falling behind. Those who choose this option often say that being alone makes them more aware of avoiding compromised situations. In addition, the possibilities of connecting with the native culture and having conversations with local people increase since you cannot take refuge in your friends or acquaintances. It is a source of self-knowledge and activation of our creativity to solve unforeseen events. And of course it is an exercise in autonomy that can provide good doses of self-esteem.
In fact, the well-known psychologist and writer Walter Riso in his Practical Guide to overcome emotional dependence points out: "Take a vacation without company, like an anonymous tourist, stay alone with your person, talk less, seek silence, regret your being ". You dare?
How to take advantage of summer solitude
Drop down
Do not draw hasty conclusions. You may be surprised by the opportunities provided by moments of solitude. You will live different experiences from the usual ones almost certainly.
Face the situation with curiosity. Not everything is black or white, good or bad. Discover for yourself what you can do and where your limits are.
Dare yourself. We are social beings and we like to share and feel connected but occasionally we must also be able to face the care of ourselves and fully assume our freedom as individuals.
Learn to be alone. If you are not used it will not be easy at first but you can get ahead if you don't give up. The philosopher and psychoanalyst Erich Fromm argued that in order to love one must have the capacity to be alone. Maybe we can start with the summer period.
Identify your strengths and weaknesses. Periods of loneliness that are not chosen can be uncomfortable but they are also an opportunity to see how we respond to frustration and value ourselves in a more appropriate way.
Isabel Serrano-Rosa and Jesús Mª Prada are psychologists in EnPositivoSí.
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