When I posted the experience of three reporters who are suffering from childbirth preparations, housework, and child rearing as my father in June, three times in my daily life, I got an echo that accompanied my anger and give up to my husband. Some of the voices full of sadness, such as "I told you divorce" "There will be tears only with the word" Oneopé ". When reporters tried hitting a husband with a wife's true honest feeling of moyamoya by sharing housework and childcare, what did you see?

"I'm not feeling out of help"

"Housekeeping, parenting is not all that can be divided visibly." Such a comment came from a woman who is a faculty member living in Hyogo prefecture (55). It seems that it felt like the teacher's husband (60) was listening to the same kind of stupid thing "It is properly shared with housework and childcare" that was in the article of a reporter who is troubled with the wife's wife. I visited a woman to listen to the details.

Husband and eldest daughter (28), eldest son (24) family of four. My husband got childcare leave three months when my eldest son was born. Back then, 1995. There were few men who took childcare leave around. Since then, cleaning up the meal, washing everyday, bath washing is in charge of the husband. "Good husband" "happy wife" began to be said.

However, "Invisible housework" has different circumstances. Even though she is working together, she is the same teacher, but the woman is carrying it, and her husband says he does not notice the disparity. "For example, my husband's" laundry "does not include sheets of the weekend beds.I also prepare for clothing.I think of when to do, wash it out of the closet - washing. - what I am doing My husband does not recognize it, so it is not different from being "half a week" "

When I try to hit a woman's feelings to her husband who responded to the interchange, I usually do not talk about face-to-face with respect to household sharing, while smiling bitterly, "What I can not see, nothing I have not noticed Perhaps there is also in the middle, thinking "halfway", maybe not. "

When telling the reaction of such husband to the woman, the story continued "more". In the morning of rainy weather or subtle weather, my husband said, "Can you dry out?" The woman unexpectedly said that she would return "if you look it up on your own". "If the weather is subtle at the school's excursion, you should decide on your own responsibility to decide whether to cancel it or not, which makes it impossible for housework to do that." My husband is not feeling that "help" is missing. I feel a gap in consciousness, I can not accept it.

Nonetheless, I am grateful to my husband. If I look around the world, my husband feels cooperative in housekeeping and parenting. This is also communicated to the eldest daughter. "When thinking this is" ordinary ", I will have a hard time in the future" (Takashi Peri)

A wife irritated with "self full excitement"

"After childbirth, the affection for her husband falls shaky." "Some groups have their affections recovered." About fifteen years ago, I studied about such "love curve of women". After that, it was picked up as a "postpartum crisis (crisis)" on the TV program, and it was also introduced at public institution brochures etc., attracted much attention.

Regarding household chores and childcare burden, there were words that focused on the condition of the wife until then, such as "maternity ward" and "postpartum depression". However, the affection curve reveals that the imbalance of burden such as housework and child rearing after childbirth has an influence on the affection for his wife's husband, and the process of being forced to "grow orphans" I think that it was attracting attention not by a problem but by the fact that I caught it from the relationship of a couple.

The couple whose wife's affections recover had common hobbies and were talking about rest of their lives. At the same time, her husband was strongly tied to her children. "A junior high school girl made me lose my friend's father when I took a couple quarrel." There was also such a case. In other words, I had a good relationship with my wife and child, both.

Then, how to contact? Although it is a case by case, there is a tendency common to the husband of the recovery group, such as "patiently listening to the other party's words", "not to repeat the failure", "encourage the opponent and supporting".

About 15 years have passed since the survey, the word "ikumen" became a standard, but "self-excitement" is also prominent. "We change diapers, but poop (especially diarrhea) is NG", "Height and weight of children, size of shoes do not come out smoothly" etc. These husbands are irritating my wife instead. I acquire two childcare leave, I continue to share my household chores with childcare, I feel that the initial recognition that I investigated "affection curve" was sweet, "Was the care of an infant so hard?"

On the other hand, "Ikumen" becomes standard, there are side effects that the expectation value from my wife has risen. Men who are active in raising children receive "Paternity · Harassment" such as depriving opportunities for promotion / pay raise, or falling as "not compatible with my wife" at home, becoming in a negative state Also. It is a situation that should also be called 'equital'. For those people, please remember "affection curve". "I'd like to encourage you to be rewarded for my wife's husband's love to recover."

"Remember growing up" Remembering tears

I will introduce some of the reverberations that have arrived.

● "In December 18 years ago, I decided to give birth to my neighbors.The doctor told my doctor" I am not sure if I was born. "I called the husband, but" It's a year-end party and my boss is there After my birth, my husband is drinking walking life.It is fine to say no matter how many times I say "come home early." One day in winter, I put the first son in the bath with a single person I felt chilling when I was changing my clothes while I was naked and got soaked.I was full of work, housework, parenting, I fought with my husband, I did not want to fall further, I got dissatisfied only.The eldest son was 3 years old At the time of husband's husband's transfer to Tokyo it was decided but I let him move as "I will go someday." "Iko raising" was visible.The fact that I was hung up at birth was absolutely I will not forget and anger will rise again even now. Last year my eldest son " Was told I want to divorce "in business to timing" (Aichi Prefecture Women in their 40s)

● "My husband has been working for a long time as a son, I am single-time assigned from my son's 5 years old and my daughter's 1 year old to the present for 8 years. By just looking at the letters" One-off childcare "and" Tears come up reminding me that I have been responsible for housekeeping in my household chores and I do not know how long it will take for a single employee to stay, and I think that children should do what they can do on their own by themselves "(Kanagawa prefecture · 40 women )

● "The husband who left the wife to do the housekeeping care is the same as being hanging out with a company that is cooperating with himself.The result of waiting is whether the company is bankrupt or the husband has no place I think that it is smart "(Nara prefecture · 50's female)

● "As a parent, as a couple, it should be in the same position.While, when my husband did housework or childcare, the consciousness of" I am doing in place of my wife "can be seen through and I made it disagreeable. Even if I tell my husband it seems to be hearing, I will not answer seriously even if I hear opinions. "Awareness reform is difficult" (Chiba prefecture · 50's women)

● "My house is a" two-op "where my husband mainly takes care of my child My husband was eager for a child The husband of a company employee has taken childcare leave for four months after the daughter was born in 2016. Milk I seemed to be enjoying care and enjoying growth, raising my daughter from a newborn baby, changing diapers, I realize that maternity is poor.I was not able to find joy at childbirth at the beginning of childbirth, but my husband When I looked at the form of childcare, I felt that child rearing was meaningful, became a situation where I helped with childcare, and became "two ope." After returning to work, my husband restricted overtime and afternoon 7 After that, I gave birth to the second child and I am raising it with two people.I am grateful to my husband who taught me this joy by having meals, washing, sleeping and cooperating with the team "(Kanagawa prefecture · 30's female)

My wife is a full-time housewife share ...

● "Employee." My wife is a full-time housewife, I am sorry to cause my wife to get irritated by dishwashering, washing, waste disposal, giving me a "sense of doing housekeeping", and I am also reflecting, Because I am not, I am working outside and my wife is in charge of the house.I want you to convince me that my wife's housekeeping and parenting are many. "My wife feels dissatisfied and unhappy It is not a virtue that it is becoming a husband, a husband a husband, being stressful at the workplace, being stressed at home, and enduring it is not virtue, not how to bump emotions, I hope to be able to talk positively and calmly to each other "(Hokkaido, 40s male)

◇

I am a family of four, the wife and eldest son of a full-time housewife (4), the eldest daughter (1). I was planning to help out as much as possible, such as washing my daily laundry and sending my eldest son to my kindergarten to try to reduce my wife's burden even a little. Still, when I told my wife about the way of washing, such as how to wash, I was poisoned by the inner heart that "Please do it by yourself".

I wonder if my father is worried about how to engage in housekeeping or childcare. I thought that I wanted to share even a little in the article in June.

A woman in Hyogo prefecture (55) who covered this time says, "I rarely talk face to face with my husband about housework and childcare." Actually, my house is so. I have never heard of the housework I am doing really reducing the burden on my wife, I think that I will understand if I am trying hard, I have never conveyed my own thoughts.

When I am chased daily on my work, my husband and wife will not talk to each other. However, there are large differences in household chores and child rearing ideas, and some couple choose divorce. It was the first step to share with my husband and wife what kind of dissatisfaction they had with each other and share it. (Takashi Pernaka, Kyosuke Yamamoto, Kenjiro Takahashi)

◇

Please give us your opinions and experiences. asahi_forum@asahi.com , Fax 03 · 3545 · 0201, 〒 104 · 8011 (Location not required) To the Asahi Shimbun editorial office headquarters "Forum face".