A survey shows that only 10% of single men and women will lower their mate selection requirements in order to get out of the singles as soon as possible
Blind date encounters among urban older youths
For many single men and women over the age of 25, blind dates have become an inevitable “topic”.
From the age of 26, Lin Yidi, a tall and attractive post-90s girl, has been anxious and working hard to find a partner who can be trusted for life.
Lin Yidi graduated from a 985 university in Shanghai, and now has a glamorous job in Shanghai.
When she was a student, she was the focus of the class and there was no shortage of suitors.
She still remembers the rhetoric that she said when she was 20, “I won’t go on a blind date in the future, that’s really shameful.” Now, Lin Yidi, who was in her thirties, recalled that year, she couldn’t help feeling, “I was overconfident.”
At the end of last year, a survey data from a dating website showed that single men and women generally begin to feel the pressure of marriage and love between the ages of 26 and 30.
The pressure mainly comes from the weakening of mate-choice advantage brought about by the increase in age, the desire for marriage and love life, and the surrender of peers to get married.
From the perspective of the differences between men and women, women are more sensitive to getting older and worrying about missing the age of prenatal and postnatal care, while men are more affected by peer pressure.
Outstanding young women who can't reach the age
Lin Yidi's blind date started by accident.
Originally I just wanted to participate in an offline chat event to pass the weekend, by the way, to show the "personal charm of nowhere to put" among the singles.
But what she didn't expect was that she finally left the scene "ashamed and embarrassed".
For the event of the day, there are four people at a table, two men and two women. The seats of the girls are fixed and the boys rotate.
There is a younger and beautiful girl sitting next to Lin Yidi.
She glanced at the other party's data card. She was very good in height, education, and work, which made Lin Yidi a little inferior in an instant.
Sure enough, after the activity started, every boy who had rotated to their table was more interested in this girl, and Lin Yidi, who was sitting at the side, felt like a decoration.
Lin Yidi, who suffered a blow on her first blind date, discovered that there are so many outstanding young women in the blind date circle of first-tier cities, which also gave her a sense of urgency to say goodbye to being single.
She added the official accounts of multiple dating platforms, followed offline events, and participated in one or two games every month.
In the blind date activities, she met different types of boys, looking for true love and knowing herself in the blind date.
Lin Yidi has personally confirmed the reality that no matter how good the conditions are, it will not be able to withstand the fatal weakness of getting older and older.
In order to get rid of the order as soon as possible, Lin Yidi paid attention to a dating platform and purchased one-to-one precise matching services.
This is a blind date official account for 985 domestic and foreign top college graduates. Young people involved in the marriage are “children of other people’s families” since they were young.
"Excellent single young women like Lin Yidi are very representative on our platform." A senior matchmaker on the platform introduced that many girls with little emotional experience came with pride and confidence when they first participated in the event. The criteria for choosing a spouse are also impractical.
Whenever so, she can't help but tell the other party the current status of the blind date market.
This matchmaker said that there are many girls born in 1995 who participated in offline activities, and boys would prefer young and beautiful ones. The connotation, character and material conditions are the next things to understand.
The academic qualifications, work, and abilities that single women are proud of are no longer an advantage in the face of age, and they are even considered an obstacle to becoming a good wife and mother.
Li Meng, 33 this year, has quietly visited the blind date corner of Changchun Children's Park for 5 years.
She is a grassroots civil servant, graduated with a master's degree, has a fair complexion, and lives in a well-off home.
Every Saturday morning, the blind date corner of Changchun Children's Park is crowded with elderly people who come to help their children find objects.
Li Meng is one of the few young people.
Seeing Li Meng, many old people gathered around, but when they heard her age, they turned their heads and left.
Some people regretted her, "I'm so beautiful, so I'm looking for someone now".
In the eyes of many parents and single men, single women over 30 have missed the optimal age for childbearing, which is the direct reason why the blind date market has strict requirements on women's age.
Stick to or lower the standard
Only by missing the best age for blind date, re-positioning oneself, and adjusting the requirements for choosing a spouse can we leave the single as soon as possible.
However, according to survey data on blind date websites at the end of last year, only 10% of single men and women would lower their mate selection requirements in order to get out of the order as soon as possible.
Being able to walk into the blind date corner is a sign of taking the initiative to get out of the order for Li Meng. She will carefully check the marriage information hanging on the rope and write down the boys' WeChat accounts that she thinks are appropriate.
Li Meng also joined Changchun's largest non-profit dating organization-Peony Garden blind date.
Wang Shufang, the founder of the Peony Garden blind date party and a senior matchmaker, has introduced Li Meng to Li Meng. Most of the men were born between 1975 and 1981.
But the age of the other party that Li Meng can accept is between 1986 and 1993.
Wang Shufang told Li Meng bluntly that most of the boys in her acceptable age group would choose girls born in the 90s or 95s.
But Li Meng believes that Wang Shufang is still a traditional concept, and there are men around her who are willing to find girls who are older than herself.
Wang Shufang persuaded her that the individual case does not represent the common perception of everyone, and that the reality should be clearly understood.
Li Meng expects that the age, education, and material conditions of the other half are at least equal to her.
In Li Meng's view, this standard is rational.
She didn't want to lower the standard and get married for the sake of getting married.
Faced with the current high divorce rate, Li Meng chose to be cautious and Ningquewulan.
Li Meng regretted that he missed the best age for choosing a spouse.
Around the age of 25, relatives and friends often introduced her to her, but at that time Li Meng felt that it was still far away to get married and start a family.
Now, most of the men of the same age are married, and there are fewer and fewer men who meet their own standards.
28-year-old Gao Yuxin is an anesthesiologist in a large tertiary hospital. She is of outstanding height and good-looking family.
There are two male colleagues of the same age in the hospital who have a good impression of her, but she feels that they have no chance.
Recently, someone introduced her to a boy who is 183 cm tall, looks handsome, and works in a research institute.
Gao Yuxin's parents were very satisfied, but she refused.
Her reason is that the other party is a rural family, and the parents do not have retirement protection.
Gao Yuxin's mother was anxious for her, "It will be 30 years old in one and a half years, and it will be more difficult to find a satisfactory partner by then."
The mother blamed her daughter for being too irrational.
But Gao Yuxin feels that her hard-working life cannot be lowered by the other party or her family. “There is no suitable object, and it’s okay to be single.”
"She won't think so in two years." Gao Yuxin's mother lamented that most young people nowadays look forward to "one plus one is greater than two" and are unwilling to pay more.
In her view, as long as the other person's character and work are good, the material life can be struggled together.
"Struggling together may lead to a happy life, or it may be more difficult than living alone." Luo Jingjing, who is in her 40s this year, believes.
Seeing a girl in her 30s bumping into a wall in the blind date market, she was also anxious for herself.
Working in a bank, she is not outstanding, because she pays attention to body management, people around her say that she looks much younger than her peers.
She wanted to find a partner of similar age and material conditions.
However, in the eyes of Aunt Yuan, a senior matchmaker at the Peony Garden blind date, most of the men who are still single at the same age as Luo Jingjing are divorced, and Luo Jingjing does not consider divorced persons.
In Luo Jingjing's view, her standard has been lowered a lot.
At the golden age, her standards will be specific to boys' fatness and skin tone.
There used to be a man with good overall conditions who liked Luo Jingjing very well, but because the other party was "black fat" instead of "white fat", she declined.
Now Luo Jingjing wants to come, this "black fat" boy is a good marriage partner, but unfortunately missed it.
Unclear standards will miss the best marriage age
High standards are not a feature of girls choosing a spouse, and most high-quality young men on the blind date market are also very picky.
Tang Zhenyuan, who has been working in the film and television industry in Beijing, is a gentleman and a reliable young man in the eyes of his friends.
Born in 1984, he bought a house in Beijing with a loan and drove a private car worth more than 200,000 yuan.
Recently, a friend introduced him to a post-90s girl who is a cutting-edge screenwriter and has a good impression of him.
After adding WeChat to each other politely, he did not communicate further.
The friend was anxious for him and asked him what kind of girl he liked.
In Tang Zhenyuan's view, he didn't have too many standards, and he didn't care about the other party's material conditions, but he had to have a foresight.
On the online service platform of a singles club in Changchun, there are many high-quality young men and women's marriage information.
Among them, there is a Gao Fushuai who has attracted the attention of girls: born in 1988, has real estate in Beijing, is engaged in the pharmaceutical industry, and has a considerable annual income.
The man wanted to find a young and beautiful girl with a high degree of education.
According to this standard, the matchmakers in the singles club recommended many outstanding girls to him.
"Many high-quality young men in the blind date circle think that the next woman they meet is better." According to Liu Xingye, the founder of the club, if the standard is not clear, the best age for marriage and love will be missed. The same is true for boys, and the standard is too high. Can only spend more time searching.
A staff member of another dating platform told reporters that in first-tier cities like Shanghai, the gender ratio is very uneven, and girls are more active when participating in offline events.
Ladies can only limit the number of people because of too many registrations, while men have to invite multiple times and give preferential registration prices before they are willing to participate.
On many dating platforms, it is difficult to match the mate selection requirements of young men and women.
Many outstanding and potential boys have already "off the singles" when they are students. High-quality young men who enter the blind date circle pay particular attention to the age and appearance of women.
The matchmakers urged that blind dates should not only be based on age, appearance and economic strength, but also on spiritual pursuit and psychological resonance.
Lin Yidi, who has experienced many battles in blind dates, is deeply touched by this.
In order to seize the last advantage of her age, Lin Yidi gave up some of the non-rigorous requirements in mate selection.
This year, Lin Yidi has successfully stepped away from her singles and plans to get married next year.
(At the request of interviewees, all single youths in the article are pseudonyms)
China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily reporter Wang Peilian and Wei Qimeng Source: China Youth Daily