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Invited on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychoanalyst in Paris, answers a worried listener. "I can not stand to be touched, caresses do not matter, whether they are in the form of simple massages or sexuality." Should I force myself a little to fluidify my sexual relations, as suggested by my What do you think of it? "Bertrand wonders.
If this reluctance may seem surprising, it is because it goes against human behavior. "We grew up with caresses because in the womb, for nine months, our body was built, including our nervous system, based on the caresses of the intrauterine wall against which we are rocked," says the sexologist . Now, if this search for the caress is valid for humans, it is true for all mammals.
The sign of trauma
Based on this observation, the rejection of caresses can thus have its origins in the past. "When one is in the difficulty to receive caresses, it raises the question of the trauma, in the physical sense of the term, that is to say to be beaten or touched against my will," he says. . This discomfort can also hide "psychological pains" due "to the lack of having been touched," adds Catherine Blanc.
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"If, for nine months, I have been in this intrauterine wall and then, there is no contact with the mother because she dies, she gives up or she does not take his child in his arms, the child - to protect himself from this very strong desire to be touched and who could be frustrated as it is not possible - disinvests the body part, "illustrates the sexologist.
"What should we force ourselves to do?"
Besides the trauma it reveals, this lack of caresses is embarrassing because it can prevent being sexually fulfilled. "Sexuality without being touched is complex, that is to say, it reduces coitus to coitus and denies the other who will have to bring something into contact anyway," says Catherine Blanc. Even if one is aware that this behavior is indicative of a trauma, it does not, according to her, not force itself. "What should you force yourself to do, and if you hurt me, you think that forcing me will not improve the distrust I can have," she says.
So, what to face so deep suffering? For Catherine Blanc, there are several possibilities: "psychological therapies to understand what has happened" and "body therapies that will respect this contact with her body." "Hypnosis can be as interesting" , she says.
Even though these therapies can improve the situation, you have to be patient. "It's a long way," she says. "If there was an injury, we can testify.When we do not have the words to tell our traumas, our skin is the first language to tell our pain."