We regularly hear people say that they are more in the morning, others in the evening. Is this true or is it rather due to a lack of curiosity? In the show Without appointment on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychiatrist, answers the question of a listener who wonders how to agree with her boyfriend in order to find the time of day to make love which will suit both her and her boyfriend.
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Anaëlle's question
"My boyfriend prefers to have sex in the morning while I prefer to have sex in the evening: how to get along?"
Catherine Blanc's response
To make love, it is already necessary to have an availability of spirit, to have got rid of our daily concerns, whether they are professional or whether they are our fears of facing life or the day. Indeed, some are more morning in general, but not only for sexuality. In terms of dopamine, energy, they are ready to attack while others find it difficult to set foot on the ground to go and tackle life. But we can be a bit in the artistic blur and find it delicious because precisely, there is no confrontation with the moral that we have which can inhibit our sexuality a little.
The evening can be a moment of relaxation, of abandonment, of letting go. We held out all day, intellectually, muscularly, and there we let go. Or, on the contrary, it is a moment when one has the feeling of having suffered a lot. And we don't want to perceive sexuality as the risk of suffering even more. Hence a difficulty in indulging in it at that time.
Does women's mental burden play a role?
As soon as women who have young children hear a noise, a breath, they are already in their preoccupations with mom. They are already planning their day. Their anxiety is also stronger than that of men. For their part, men take on one task after another, which allows them to approach them more calmly than women. In the evening, they are often in the complaint of having worn all this and have no availability for all that. Morning or evening availability is therefore not necessarily linked to a gender.
But the question of the ability to be in tune arises. We do not all have the same rhythm but independently of that, the question which arises is: must one yield to the wishes of the other? The answer is no. However, we have to find an agreement. Isn't being right on the opposite side of the other's time a way to miss? This raises the question of the quality of the relationship, its challenges, its unspoken facts, which are played out through this dissonant timing.
Do we have to be morning or evening?
There is no time to make love. You can also make love in the middle of the night, be awake and find it delicious as unbearable. We can love soliciting or being solicited in the middle of the day, as we can find it unbearable. It is also the place we give to sexuality and independently of sexuality, there is also our ability to have energy. And beyond the sexual energy with sex hormones, there is the everyday energy, namely dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, energies absolutely essential to have a look at yourself, on its possibilities , its qualities or its capacities.
Should we force ourselves when we are not on the same pace?
Making efforts also means discovering one's aptitudes. As long as we imagine that we will only do things when we are able to do them, we do not do them. It is therefore essential to set foot in the stirrup, to face the difficulty in life for all subjects. But the effort is not in the direction of the other, it is for yourself. This is important. To start getting things started is to give yourself the opportunity to get them done ... or not.