This article is from the Grazia magazine. Do you know the feeling that you are so busy that your head is full of stuff? We worry a lot about certain things in our lives, but do we spend enough time enjoying ourselves?


In 2017, the percentage was 16.1 percent of employees, while in 2007 this was 'only' 11.3 percent, according to research by TNO in 2018. Coach and writer Inger Strietman can talk about it. She was inspired by her burnout to write the book 100 Things You Had Wanted to Know Before . Something that can not only benefit them, but the rest of the world, so you too.

"We all think it is so important to do it right. This is how we used to be taught. And in the Netherlands the definition of being a good person is someone who gives a lot. It's not surprising that you burn out. But logically, because we receive the recipe for this in our upbringing, because it is mainly said: "Take good care of others." And not "Take good care of yourself." But how?

1. Don't be too concerned with others, but look and listen to yourself
Inger: "You see beautiful, sexy people who are hugely successful on social media all the time. That gives you the idea that that is the standard. But of course that is not right. Many instagrammers use filters to make their perfect picture, but that is not necessary to be your perfect picture, maybe her life doesn't suit you.

An additional problem is that this comparison is always 'on'. A film used to last 45 minutes and then the TV went out again. Now you get those pictures 'inside' through Instagram all day long. It's hard to follow your own path, while nobody on social media can tell you exactly what that path looks like. Nobody is like you.

Do not look outside of yourself for what should be good, perfect or beautiful, but do some research on yourself. What makes you who you are? What do you like? What are you good at? Take a walk more often without a telephone. What kind of emotions come up? Because we think way too much and feel way too little. To discover your own path, you have to take that feeling very seriously. "

2. Be not only loyal to your employer, but also to yourself
Inger: "Work is a major challenge especially for people who are naturally loyal to others. As a loyal person you want to do well. And the harder you work, the happier your employer is. Moreover, few employers are against you say, "Wouldn't it be a bit slower?" Such an enormous work ethic often comes at the expense of yourself, something that I often encounter in my practice.

Ask yourself: what do I need to recover, to relax? And dare to choose that. Search for the right balance. One that not only benefits your employer, but also for yourself. "

3. Looking for a job? Do not look at vacancies first, but at yourself
Inger: "Most people first go to different job sites when they are looking for a job. You look at whether you recognize yourself in a job description or are seduced by a cool company or a good cause, and we immediately think that those too job at that company is great fun Why are we so concerned about how cool the company we are going to work in? It's just as important that you know what type you are and what your needs are.

So first ask yourself what you want and what you find important. Like in a team or rather alone? At the office or outside? You can determine everything for yourself without taking a look at a job site. Then you start thinking about which type of job, organization or company might suit this. And who from your network can help you with this. Make an appointment for a cup of coffee or have a chat with someone from HR. That really makes you wiser. "

4. Think carefully about what success means to you
Inger: "We can easily relate success to money. If you earn as much money as possible, you will probably be very successful and happy. But is that really the case?

Consider for yourself what gives you the most satisfaction: buffering hard, making a career and earning a lot? Or rather make more time available for the people around you? It is up to you to determine your own definition of success. When do you think: I am happy with the way I spent my time? For one person it is if he or she has set up a business, for the other it is if he / she is a happy housemate with full attention for the family. Whatever is important to you, it doesn't matter. But make your choices conscious, so that you can look back on your life with a sense of satisfaction. "

5. If you fully accept yourself, then you can also better accept your partner
Inger: "Often from childhood or youth you have a certain idea of ​​what a relationship should be like. Romantic comedies make you think, for example, how a good relationship should be or not at all. You are not very flexible in your head, so there is a good chance that you will not easily accept

Realize that a relationship with everyone is different again. Everyone has great but also less positive sides. You don't see that on TV or in the movies. You really have to experience that. In a relationship you get to know yourself better and you find out what you are not good at. If you accept those less pleasant sides as a piece of yourself, you can also better accept the ugly sides of your partner. We are often so focused on the ideal partner and the ideal relationship, but we are not that ideal either. "

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