Diane, auditor of Europe 1, lost a lot of weight after an operation.

She thought her husband would want her more, but she seems to see the opposite.

Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychoanalyst in Paris, answers her questions on the program "Sans Rendez-Vous".

Thanks to an operation, Diane lost 40 kilos and thought that with this new body, the desire in her marriage would not be a problem.

But she feels that her husband is less attracted than before.

In the program

Sans Rendez-Vous

, Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychoanalyst in Paris, responds to this worried listener and advises her to identify the moment of this loss of desire, and especially to communicate with her husband, because this did maybe not related to his weight loss.

Diane's question

“A year ago, I lost 40 kilos thanks to an operation. I thought that with my new body, my husband would have had more desire. However, nothing has really changed. impression that we make less love than before. How to explain it? "

Catherine Blanc's response

"In general, a weight gain or, in this case, a strong weight loss, can have an impact on sexuality, because it has an impact on the perception that each person has of the other. had to change the way she looked at herself, because for her to undergo an operation, she was living through her 40 pounds extra painfully.

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Today, she is 40 kilos less.

She tends towards an idea of ​​herself that can put her in greater comfort, or narcissistically be more assured.

Except that her husband doesn't see him like that.

Perhaps because his tastes weren't necessarily in favor of a slimmer woman and he might have preferred her before.

Maybe also because he needed those 40 kilos more which made her more "his", when now she could be more attractive to others, for example.

So, it changes completely when the other does not have the same body references.

She can also appear stronger, more attractive and more in desire.

And therefore more distressing for him, if he was already in difficulty. 

We focus on the weight, but maybe it has nothing to do with it, that he has problems at work, that he is tired ...

Indeed.

She identifies him like that because she observes that, despite the fact that she has lost weight, she cannot seduce him.

But something may have happened in his life.

He may have been gone in her head for a long time and she wanted to seduce him by losing weight.

And then let's stop thinking that what makes a man want is to be a canon of beauty.

A man is desiring a person with a physique that appeals to him.

And so, just because she's going to have a new weight or a new outfit, or that she's going to put on panties or do a belly dance, doesn't mean all of a sudden, she's automatically irresistible.

Maybe we should try to find complicity, create envy? 

I believe that already, we must be able to exchange.

What is it that we no longer want each other?

Maybe she's 'boring' about her romantic relationship.

She can be in trouble with herself (when I say 'boring', it's not in the absolute, it's in her perception).

So that's what's complicated.

It's a relationship, it's not because you're beautiful or not beautiful.

The most beautiful person in the world, if she is not in harmony with herself, if there is no communication, if she is capricious, you do not want her.

What can we advise Diane?

Go see her husband and ask him the question?

Yes, especially if she identifies that it is from the moment she lost weight.

She must also be wondering if it was before.

If so, it was because she was already worried.

Instead of talking to herself, she went to do what was important to her and good for her health, namely to lose weight.

And finally, she expects something from the other, saying 'me, I made an effort, you, you should now want me'.

The best is indeed to be able to exchange: 'We have a problem, we communicate little.

I don't have the feeling that you are coming towards me '.

Besides, maybe he'll tell her 'but you're not coming to me either'.

Couples organize themselves in a rather strange way because we expect a lot from the other without wanting to do our part in the direction of the other.

You have to start by talking about it to know the way to go. "