TESTIMONY
Renaud lost his twin brother two and a half years ago. He feels the need to talk about it, but doesn't want to turn to his parents for fear of hurting them. He also says he does not feel ready to see a psychotherapist. He therefore chose to confide his sorrow to Olivier Delacroix, at the microphone of "La Libre antenna" on Europe 1, explaining that it was easier for him to evoke the lack of his brother on the phone.
>> Listen to Renaud's testimony in full here
"I'm 29 years old. I lost my twin brother two and a half years ago. It's very hard for me. I was on medication for a year. I won't get over it. I won't I'll never get over it. He was diabetic. He came out of my room and fell. He had a heart attack. It's always very hard for me. We did everything together, sports, studies… We were technicians, we had the same job, we had the same friends, and overnight my brother left and it was very complicated.
I don't know who to talk to. I'm all alone. I can't talk about it with my parents. I don't want to hurt them more. I am afraid of hurting my parents because they also lost their son. I don't want to blame them for anything more. I'll keep it all to myself, but eventually I'll go crazy. I need someone I can talk to about it.
" I will never get over it "I lost my brother, I have nothing more to do. My brother was my life. I didn't want to talk to a psychotherapist about it. At first, two and a half years ago, I didn't want to talk about it. I don't know why I wanted to keep everything to myself. This is the first time that I speak of it. I'm sick of suffering. I lost everything. We were really close, identical twins. We couldn't separate from each other. My brother fell suddenly and I was all alone suddenly.
It's been two and a half years and I'll never get over it. I don't even want to get over it, I lost my twin brother. I still see my friends, but I see they have changed. They don't want to talk about it. As soon as I hear my brother's name come out of someone else's mouth, even if it's to say good things, I go crazy. It makes me angry. Only I can say my brother's name. Only I can say: "He's my Dylan, he's my brother". Nobody talks about my brother.
" I go to the cemetery three times a day to see my brother "I am an organic market gardener. In my job, I'm just with my boss, so I'm alone in my thoughts all the time. I have to think of my brother. I go to the cemetery three times a day to see my brother. I suffer alot. I'm really not well and I don't know what to do. I have already taken a big step to talk about it on the radio. I felt I needed to talk about it, otherwise I was going to go crazy.
It will never get better. I want to be bad, because my brother is no longer there. Everyone says to me: "Your brother wouldn't want you to be miserable." It's wrong. We don't care about that question. My brother is gone, period. I no longer have my brother, that's the answer. I will never be able to go to a psychotherapist. I could never speak face to face. I'll never be ready. I know that I will never be healed of my brother who is gone.
>> Find Olivier Delacroix's Libre antenna in replay and podcast here
I'm talking about it now, because it's over the phone. I can't see anyone, so I can talk about it. I am shy. I play handball. I'm not the same person at all in handball, because I know everyone. When I don't know the person, it takes time to adapt to talk to them. My brother was less shy than me. He spoke a lot more than I did. He took me with him. He's not here anymore, so I have to fend for myself and I can't. "