You ask: Why is your child's behavior out of control from time to time? Do you want to know how you can help him?
In a report published by the Spanish newspaper El Mundo, writer Diana Gutierrez Ortigas said that we live in an era of speed that pushes us to act firmly and effectively, but failure to achieve a goal may make us feel angry and frustrated, and this applies to you or anyone close to you and those around you. Our children also grow up in this environment, observing the rest of the family who are role models and imitators of their behavior.
Should we quell the anger of our children?
Emotions play an important role in a child's growth and development, because they are like the motor or drive that guides him. Anger, for example, has a positive function, which is to give the person the strength to struggle to achieve what he wants and to go towards the goal he is trying to achieve; That is why this feeling should not be suppressed or ignored, but rather directed in the direction that helps us move forward.
Neuroscience demonstrates how our brains develop and grow until the mid-1920s, in what is called "neuroplasticity." This also means that modeling of brain circuits during this period of development depends to a large extent on daily experiences from childhood.
At this stage comes the role of the surrounding environment, which includes mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, teachers, games, talks, laughter, crying, stories and quarrels; That contribute to the formation of the social and emotional nerve circuits in the child’s brain.
As mothers, fathers and teachers, and as a reference for children; We should provide them with a safe base so that they can express, share, understand and experience their emotions, thereby providing our children with a safe haven or a healthy space for social and emotional learning.
As such, we contribute to the development of our children's strengths and skills to interact independently with others, according to the author.
How do I react to my child's tantrums?
The main premise is to monitor a child's anger as an opportunity to learn and gain experience. If we continue to note, our attitude toward a fit of anger will change over time, and we will become more listening and sympathetic to them; So they understood the reason for their anger.
Be careful what you say to him and how you say that, when the child is angry, the right half of the brain is active, which is the half responsible for the emotions, while the left half stops responsible for various logical operations.
And if you start talking to your child when he is angry, be sure that he is practically not listening to you, and not understand what you are saying to him, but if you come close to him and show your sympathy using emotional language, then he will listen to you, and he will be more understandable. This way, he will confess to you because of his annoyance and you will be able to return to logic.
Difference between reaction and response
Remember that you are a role model for your child. Do you respond or interact?
Notice how you act in front of your child when you are angry, and remember that he is watching and imitating you at all times, and it is important that you think about such things as:
● How do you act when your boss, partner, or girlfriend tells you something that bothers you?
● How do you deal with the frustration you feel when things do not go as you want or one of them is not up to your expectations?
Remember the last situation that frustrated you and how did you deal with it? There is a big difference between reaction and response; We interact with a fact when we act automatically, that is, we do not use the time between stimulation and response to realize what we want to say, and in doing so we are impulsive.
The response is to act consciously, to define what we want to say and how to say it, and to pay attention to what we say. We must understand that the tantrums that cause children to act recklessly and impulsively are a clear example of the reaction. You can consider this difference to guide you and help you develop greater self-awareness, and take advantage of your circumstances to teach your child the difference between reaction and response.
Learn to respond rather than interact
The author gave an exercise to learn how to respond rather than interact, and it is called a "stop exercise":
● Stop it
● Take a breath
● Notice what you feel
● Interactive
This exercise is simple and valid for adults and children alike, and it will teach us how to respond to the facts, decisions or circumstances that we are going through instead of letting ourselves be swept towards the impulse or the automatic reaction.
Teach your child how to calm down
Teaching your child how to calm down and reduce his stress after a bout of emotional conflict is no less important than teaching him how to manage anger, this allows him to develop stronger nervous connections to control the discomfort inside him, and the goal is to provide concrete strategies or skills to teach the child how to calm himself and feel calm In a practical way, it is followed by continuous training to get used to this behavior.