>> It's a tough time to go through. When the time comes to break up with a couple, this can be experienced as a drama for the person who is denied their love. But this rupture can be even more difficult to live during confinement, when communication is reduced. Isn't it cruel to break up during this very special period? In "Sans Rendez-vous" this Wednesday, the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc answers Sarah, who wanted to leave her boyfriend before being confined to her home, but who now hesitates to wait for the end of the health crisis.
Sarah's question, 31
"My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for four months, but we don't live together. I was about to break up with him before the epidemic and I don't know if I should wait until the end of confinement to tell him my decision. What do you think? "
Catherine Blanc's response
"Unfortunately, I believe that some people do not bother with confinement and do not hesitate to break up by telephone. This is obviously not desirable for the other, because it is violent, but also because it is important to face your limits, to say the things eyes in the eyes, to do it while leaving to the other the right to express itself, to suffer it. It is a respect which one owes to the other , but that we must also to measure our competence to make choices, and not to flee the discomfort to always run towards an idea of happiness without carrying all the responsibility. Because happiness is also the capacity to make facing what does not suit us.
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But is it so serious to be dumped when they have only been in a relationship for four months?
Before having a relationship with children, and a built life that no longer calls love into question, there were these first four months. They were strong enough to build relationships of security and strength. The rupture is the loss of an illusion, of a project, and the stinging pain of the sudden heartbeat. The duration of the relationship is not taken into account. In the moment of love it is painful, because our project has not succeeded and because we do not feel loved.
Should she send him signs before breaking up?
In times of confinement, where there is generally a lack of tenderness, the feeling of disenchantment can be, for the most fragile, particularly painful. We can also say that with confinement, the person we want to leave realizes that they were doing very well on their own, and that they will still be able to do it once the rupture has passed.
But breaking up is always risky because you are afraid of hurting the other. Always pay attention to the signals you send and do not let believe in a lack when this is not the case. In any case, you will have to jump into this face-to-face where the other comes headlong towards you, when you are not ready to welcome him. "