Stepmother and stepmother .. What does it mean to be a member of a mixed family?

Sarah Jamal

In the stories of love and marriage, we are used to knowing the end that is announced after the end of events, the curtain falls and the lights diminish when the decision to separate and separation becomes the solution. The viewer thinks that the story has ended, and it is in fact considered the beginning of a new story that may become more important than the first and more realistic.

A new family consisting of a divorced mother and with her children and a divorced father and with his children to merge into one house, under the name "mixed family", so that the parents face a challenge in the possibility of living together despite the difference and trying to bring the children together on the one hand and the new life partner on the other hand.

Because of the severity of the experience of separation and the frustrating and painful feelings that it follows for the couple and children, the decision to build a mixed family requires good planning and agreement on specific policies and methods of dealing in different situations expected after the engagement.

The time factor is essential to the success of the relationship, especially with regard to children, they need to adapt to the new situation and get to know more about the children of the other party who share the same life under one roof.

Stepfather, do you become a father?
Marwa Tawfiq tells about her experience and says, "I separated from my husband years ago, and we have a child, and she pledged to strive - as much as I could - to take care of him and make up for what he lost after the divorce experience. I got to know a divorced man who has two daughters and agreed to marry, after planning our lives in our mixed family and how Dealing with her challenges, and God has blessed me with another child from him. "

She continued, "Despite many attempts to bring my husband closer to my son, this did not prevent some problems. My husband was a disciplined person, unlike my son who does not care about cleaning and arranging his things in the room or the place of playing and sitting."

Marwa continued that her husband tried to overlook this, but at one time he could not blame and scold the child, which made him cry and tell his mother, "Didn't you promise me that he would not interfere in my affairs and direct me?"

She apologized to him and spoke to her husband that this is not what they agreed upon, and that his relationship with the son be allowed to take her time on a natural path without hindering his role as the father early, which confuses the child and does not provide him with an appropriate climate to approach the husband.

Children linked to their old family
Shaima Hassan recounts another position with her child: "After I separated from my husband, I married a widowed man with a child, and I thought that the young age of the children facilitated their understanding and understanding of our new relationship. Until my daughter came from school telling that they asked them to draw their family, and when I saw her painting, I was saddened The extreme, she drew her father and we are beside him instead of drawing my husband and son with us. "

Psychologist Victoria Samuel provides some advice for the couple in the mixed family to facilitate relations between the various parties:

1- Be prepared for conflicting feelings : Despite the happiness of a man and woman with the beginning of a new relationship that unites them, the frustrated feelings of children that mix sadness, anger, nostalgia, despair and insecurity in a complete form in front of the parents make them incomplete happiness. It is difficult to ignore or forget these feelings, but must be faced with wisdom and love so that the son does not think that his life has been destroyed and does not exist in the new life.

2- Listen patiently to their complaints and do not rush to judge them. Assure them that you understand what they feel is normal and that your marriage will not affect your relationship with them but rather strengthen it.

3- Don't be hasty : your emotional attachment to your new partner does not mean that it happens with his children, so don't blame yourself, and let things take their natural course between you. And they can gradually approach them by sharing their favorite hobbies or going out with them in a place they love, and expect to meet pitfalls on the road from time to time, and be patient.

4- Don't forget about privacy : Entering new members of the family means splitting the rooms of the house until nine can accommodate everyone, so make sure to keep a separate space for your son as much as possible, by allocating a part for him from his bedroom that another child shares. You can use curtains to divide the place or change the position of furniture in the room and buy new cabinets for special purposes.

5- Agreement on rules and roles: It is important that the two parties share their own methods of education, and reach a common method for the mixed family. Provided that it is flexible, it can be changed if it is not appropriate, taking into account the age and type of children. Dealing with a young child is different from a rebellious teenager, and girls are different from males in responding to things. However, the basic needs are the same, such as feeling safe and confident in those around them, love, appreciation, encouragement and words of praise.

6- Make time for your small family : Children need to feel that they are still on your primary list of interests. Jealousy from the new partner, or from caring for his children, requires understanding and wise treatment. Spending time alone with children away from home will achieve this if it is periodically in agreement with the other party. And do not make this forget you enjoy your time with your partner, your strong relationship with him will also reflect on her effective relationship with your children.

7- Cooperation in solving problems : Because life is not without crises and unexpected situations, allocate periodical time for a family meeting that includes family members to discuss what concerns them, and try to find appropriate solutions. And to ensure equal opportunities for all and a good listening to them, that solutions come from them, their sense of responsibility makes them come with innovative proposals and unconventional methods of solution, and they are obligated to implement what they reached and agreed upon during the discussion.