It's a very embarrassing situation: being caught making love to your child. But that's what happened to Boris, and he does not know how to explain to his daughter what he was doing with his mother. Sexologist Catherine Blanc gives her answers in the program "Sans Rendez-Vous" on Europe 1.
Boris's question:
"My seven-year-old daughter surprised us behind the door of our room where we made her mother and I love her, embarrassed, I did not know how to answer her questions: 'Why is mom making noise? naked in bed dad? "
Catherine Blanc's answer
It is serious to be surprised by her child when making love?
No of course not. I think it comes to hurt the modesty of each other, that's for sure. And then it forces to have to find the words when we did not expect it. So we do not have a well-honed speech.
What should Boris have said to his daughter?
My principle is to say things very simply, but without mentioning the details. It is said that mom and dad were hugging, because that's what dads and moms do. It is also these hugs that can make babies on occasion, but also to do good. It's a special thing between dads and moms, and for that you have to be naked. And when we are good, we purr like cats. Using a metaphor with animals to explain to children makes it understandable. It is important to say that the noise that is emitted is a noise of pleasure.
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Often, children get lost in fear of pain: in a couple it is not always all pink, there are times when we fight, and if all of a sudden mom whines, we do not know if she whines or dad hurt her. So I think it's important to say that when we cuddle, we're happy and it makes noise. This allows the child not to be anxious, and not to be afraid later of his sexuality, which could be painful if there were any reading left.
Should we talk about it right away or let a few days pass?
Every parent has his thing. In general adults are peonies, and children wonder what they do there, what they saw, if they are not guilty to have seen something .... It is necessary that the parents are in ability to. If it's not on the moment, it does not matter. But if the child is aware, you have to go quickly. Laughter can also help to defuse the situation. We often find it difficult to talk about sexuality to our children because we are cluttered with the pornographic image of sexuality. Let's get out of this idea, and just say that between a dad and a mom, between two adults, there are cuddles and they love it.
Should he scold his child if he has opened a door when he is not allowed?
No. If he opens, it is not by chance. Besides, the child who surprises behind the door, as much to tell you that he was on duty for a while. The children are not idiots, they notice the doors closed or ajar. Why do parents close the doors only when they argue, make love, or prepare Christmas? It should not be surprising that they are behind. I think we have to learn to close the doors.
Should the reaction be different depending on the age of the child?
It's just the vocabulary that changes. For example, we do not need to explain to a teen what it is to make love, he understood. In this case, it may be necessary to tell him that the best way not to hear his parents is not to stick to the door of the room. Do not take him for a fool. But this situation rarely happens to teenagers, because they already make sure not to be surprised themselves, it's really their concern.