With every annoyance, Sarah, 29 years old, gets out of her hinges. By seeing the people she likes to go away, she decided to change her behavior. She testifies at Olivier Delacroix Monday.
YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCES
At the age of 29, and after a break-up, Sarah began to work on herself so that the anger, which so often overwhelms her, would not rot her life and no longer precipitate the end of her relationships. She told Olivier Delacroix on Monday about Europe 1.
"When I'm angry, it has to come out, I need to show my dissatisfaction, to express how I feel, especially if the situation I'm living goes against my desires or expectations.
When I am angry, I tend to scream, to let myself be overwhelmed by my emotions, to the point of crying sometimes. I am in a situation where I do not recognize myself anymore. I feel like I'm reacting. I like things to go in my direction, and when that's not the case, it bothers me. I need to know that I control the situation. When things go in my direction, it reassures me and it secures me. Even though I hear that sometimes I can be wrong.
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I realize that I can not manage the annoyances. I also know that my reaction will provoke a judgment in the person who receives my anger. On the other hand, my anger will fade as quickly as it arrived, although it is too late. The anger lasts an average of five minutes, and after that falls, and I am in a calm state, where I will ask myself and think. After shouting, I feel soothed. I pulled out what I had on my heart.
Heard on europe1:
My spouse could not stand the way I handled annoyances
My relatives say that I over-react, that I must learn to relativize, to say things more calmly, to be more serene, and not to start a quarter turn. At first, I felt that my loved ones were conciliatory. They are less so today. I realized that because of my behavior, my entourage took more distance, and took gloves to announce me some things. They thought a lot about how to communicate with me. It was not natural anymore.
Currently, I am in full separation with my spouse. He could not stand the way I handled annoyances, especially since I could not really put words on it. I am demanding of myself, of others, and I do not trust myself, so it does not help. I'm afraid of being left. When anger rises, I always have this feeling of being abandoned afterwards, so I can not control myself anymore and I react in this way. If the person in front of me is calm, the anger will rise all the more easily. My ex-spouse is very calm. It was he who made the decision that we had to separate. I understand that, because I realize that some of my reactions were disproportionate, and that they must be used daily. The climate was no longer serene.
Heard on europe1:
I realized that I was losing in turn the people I loved the most
This separation was a real shock, and I quickly wanted to find solutions to get better. Before separation, I was already working on me. But I thought concretely that the professionals would do this work for me and find a 'miracle cure' so that I could get better. But over the course of the sessions, I realized that I was losing in turn the people I loved most. And there, it was a real click. I told myself that the professionals were guides, but that only I had the cards in hand to evolve.
>> READ ALSO - Matthieu Ricard: "If you are constantly in the grip of anger, your words will be destructive"
As I am impatient, I multiplied the steps to get better very quickly. I especially started sophrology, and it helps me a lot. I work on my breathing to positively manage my emotions and defuse the tensions that I can have in me. I also started hypnosis. For me, it's very hard to break down the barriers and let go. And it is true that in a session of hypnosis, one is placed in a state of consciousness close to meditation or dream. We feel very quickly relaxed.
Heard on europe1:
Little by little, I deactivate inner blockages, and I learn to accept my anger, to express it by relativizing
I also used a communication coach. With him, one starts from concrete situations, from the lived experience, by means of plays of role. You learn to say things, not to internalize them, which I did not know how to do before. Little by little, I deactivate inner blockages, and I learn to accept my anger, to express it in a relativistic way. I am changing some of the emotional mechanisms that were embedded in me. It allows me to express an uneasiness, and to send a message to the people around me saying: 'When something frustrates me or hurts me, know that if I react like that, it is that there is a deep reason. So listen to me, just talk to me ... Do not let me down and try to understand what's happening to me. '"
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