Help! How do you get the messie to tidy up?

Pia * writes:

"I moved into a two-person flat a few months ago, and I was glad to finally find something suitable after a long search, but my roommate seems to have a serious problem: he just has too many things, seats and shelves, which he no longer gets in his room or in the basement and therefore on the balcony, in the dining room, in the kitchen and the hallway.

After cooking, he does not clear his stuff. I've told him that several times, but he leaves the dishes for days anyway.

Even his girlfriend is constantly there and seems to be jealous of everything and everyone around him. She brings more and more stuff into the apartment, leaving her laundry bag, her shampoo and her shower in the bathroom.

She also rearranges the shoe rack, insisting that her shoes should always be on top - just to bully me. When I changed her shoes, she opened a keg.

Besides, she never talks to me and even forbids my roommate to eat with me. Apparently she wants to mark her territory and disgust me out of the apartment.

Now I'm thinking about moving out, but I do not want to back down, so she finally gets her way. At the same time, I also want to come home and not have to annoy me again. "

* Name changed

Sabine Stiehler answers:

"Hello Pia,

you probably did not look at the apartment before you moved in. The disorder has certainly not emerged overnight. My advice to you: Take care of it next time.

I do not think your roommate is intentionally messy. He probably just has too many things that he does not want or can not part with. I also doubt that his girlfriend only rearranged the shoe rack to bully you. She probably just wanted to clean up. So please do not involve yourself too much.

Suggest the two to have a conversation with three. Imagine that it would have been nice if the girlfriend had previously asked if the shoe rack can be redone.

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Talk directly to your roommate about the mess and ask him to store his things in his room. In shared rooms, the roommates should eventually decide together what is in there. You can also offer your roommate to help sort out and clean up.

You can also contact the landlord and complain about the mess. But announce this to your roommate in advance.

However, I do not think your roommate will change. So you need to think about whether you can handle the mess. If you can not do that, you have to move out. So you do not give in 'small', but you do that for yourself. "