Moms should have more freedom January 26th 9:45am

``I wonder if my life will end here?''

The woman thought to herself over and over again, alone in the corner of her room.

She loves her son. Her son thinks it's fine just the way he is.

Still, she felt that her daily life as a mother was painful, painful, and hopeless.

I was living my life

Misato Yamamoto (43), who lives in Tokyo, is a mother who is raising four children, ranging from junior high school students to university students.

Previously, she worked at a company that handled imported miscellaneous goods while sending her child to nursery school.

She found her full-time job fulfilling, and she says that her job also motivated her to "live her own life."

However, my life changed completely after my second son, Mizuki, who has a severe disability, was born.

His husband also took some time off from work, but since he was often away from home due to business trips, Yamamoto had no choice but to quit his job.

I spent many days almost alone taking care of Mizuki's hospital visits, nursing care, and raising the other children.

Mizuki still requires medical care such as sputum suction and a ventilator, and must be watched over 24 hours a day.

Sputum suction is done about once every 15 minutes.

When you feel unwell, the number of suctions increases, making it difficult to sleep.

Misato Yamamoto

: ``When I started to feel a lot of pressure on myself, I started to question why I had to quit my job and take care of my son.''

“Mom, please erase your presence.”

Why am I the only mother?

What further spurred Mr. Yamamoto's feelings was his ``attendance'' at a special needs school.

Mizuki enrolled in a special needs school, but one condition was that her parents were required to accompany her to school.

The reason was that the school nurse was unable to provide some of the medical care Mizuki needed.

For about six hours, from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., students spend their days in the classrooms and waiting rooms of the school, just waiting for the time to pass.

Most of the time, there's nothing to do.

At that time, I was told at school, ``Mom, please turn off your presence unless necessary.''

The reason was "for the children's independence."

Misato Yamamoto

: ``I wanted my child to go to school, and I thought that if it was necessary, I would and should cooperate in that regard.However, there was also a part of me that felt that I really didn't want to be accompanied by someone, so I felt very conflicted.'' I felt empty, wondering if I had gone to elementary school, middle school, and high school just to sit in this waiting room.I wondered what my worth was.''

Unable to express his concerns to those around him, Yamamoto was cornered and was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder.

Photograph me as an “invisible person”

``I love Mizuki.'' `

`I think Mizuki is fine the way she is.''

Even so, she hates and has to live every day like an ``invisible person,'' but it must be painful. There continued to be days when I felt like I wasn't there.

At times like these, photography became a source of emotional support for Yamamoto.

When she posts pictures of her pet cat and her daily life with Mizuki on SNS and receives comments, she feels that she has accepted herself as she is and feels at ease.

Until then, it was just a hobby, but I wanted to learn about photography seriously, so I enrolled in a correspondence university.

Mr. Yamamoto uses the time he spends waiting at her school to start taking photos.

After thinking about the composition and using the self-timer function, the subject of the photo is your own ``invisible person.''

Some works also include texts written by Mr. Yamamoto.

Some people say it's cool to wait in school, ``devoting yourself to Kuroko,'' but I've decided to call myself ``the invisible man.''

The reason I dyed my hair blonde was not because I wanted to stay young forever or because I wanted to be fashionable.

This is to hide the gray hair that has increased dramatically since I started this lifestyle.

These are the words someone said to me when I first entered the university.

School is a place of education and a place for children to become independent.

Please keep your mother's attention off unless necessary.

To all the mothers who are considered “invisible”

The photos I took spread widely on SNS and caught the attention of a publisher, so they started selling them as a photo book in December of last year.

The title is "Invisible Man".

On the obi is written, ``To all the mothers who are considered invisible.''

The photo book has received sympathy from many mothers.

Sayaka Yoshimura from Shiojiri City, Nagano Prefecture is one of the people who spoke out.

Ms. Yamamoto said that she felt that her work represented the conflict she felt while raising a child with a disability.

Sayaka Yoshimura

: ``All the words in the photo book made me just nod as if they were exactly as they say. Up until now, I had been trying to say, ``It can't be helped,'' but after seeing Yamamoto's work, I couldn't help but agree. , I realized that it is important to try and say what you have doubts without swallowing them, even if they are ``tiring'' or ``painful''. I'm sure every mother in the world has felt this feeling at least once or twice."

In order to let more people know about Yamamoto's work, Yoshimura and his friends planned a photo exhibition.

People who visited the venue also expressed their sympathy.

Woman in her 40s

: ``I was also worried about people thinking that ``mothers are always on standby to take care of their children.'' But I usually just say ``I can't help it.'' I had put it away, but when Mr. Yamamoto made it into a work like this, it gave me a good opportunity to reconsider the situation I was in."

Woman in her 30s

: “I learned that there are many people struggling, and it gave me a sense of security that I was not alone.”

Don't let it end just by empathizing.

Artist Naoko Yamazaki also visited the photo exhibition after learning about Yamamoto's work on social media.

Naoko Yamazaki

: ``When I saw her work for the first time, I felt that she was a talent that couldn't be overlooked.At the same time, I also realized that mothers were not the only ones who would sympathize with this work.Even though her existence should be her own, I think it happens in many people's lives that before they know it, their life has become for someone else, or for some reason, the burden is only on them.

Furthermore, Mr. Yamazaki continues.

Naoko Yamazaki: ``

I think this is a work that should not end with 'empathy.' This is not a mother's problem, but a society's problem. Mothers don't have to change. What we have to change is society and society. We are the ones creating the system, and we are the ones who are not doing anything.”

“I want to live like this” is not selfish.

By connecting with many people through photography, Mr. Yamamoto began to regain the "self" that he had begun to lose.

Misato Yamamoto

: ``I've had many people learn about my work and call me ``Yamamoto-san.'' I feel like I'm finally able to escape from my ``invisible person'' self little by little.''

I wish mothers could be more ``free'' regardless of whether their children have disabilities or not. I hope so.

Misato Yamamoto

: ``Back then, as a mother, it was natural for me to look after my children, but I think I was constrained, and I felt constrained. What I want to do is not selfish at all, and I don't feel guilty about it, but I want you to move on, even if it's just a little bit at a time.Compared to before, I'm able to say what I think. I really feel like mothers are starting to feel freer. I hope this photo book will serve as an example of how it's okay to express your feelings."

No matter how our children are born, the time will surely come when we mothers will be able to choose our own lives.

*Scheduled to be broadcast on “Good Morning Japan” on January 27th

Network News Department

Reporter Yuki Ishikawa

Joined the station in 2012 After working in the metropolitan area bureau,

she has continued reporting on welfare issues in her current position.