Is it possible to distinguish sex and feelings? And if so, is this a problem? In the program Sans Rendez-vous on Europe 1, on Monday, doctor and columnist Damien Mascret analyzes the link between feelings and sexuality.
Can we differentiate between sex and feelings?
"On this front, there seems to be a double standard, one for men and one for women. The men who multiply the conquests, it is rather well seen, valued and a sign of virility. For women in on the other hand, it is rather frowned upon, as if in the end they could not have autonomy and decide for themselves sexual intercourse, possibly without feelings, and as if women had to be in love to authorize themselves to the This way of forcing women socially to mix sex and feeling is still rooted in the representations of many and this has an impact on the sexuality of couples ...
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What scientific research has been done?
Norwegian researchers interviewed 90 couples aged 19 to 30, trained on average for 21 months (two months to nine years). While we consider that after a few years men are three times more demanding of sexual intercourse than women, in these 90 couples, they observed that women were sometimes more demanding than their partners. It was also often women who considered that it was entirely possible to separate sex and feeling. This does not mean that they did not love their partner or that they were unfaithful, but simply that they distinguished the two.
Is it a problem to distinguish between sex and feelings?
For Norwegian researchers, if we manage to distinguish sex and feeling, this means that in our relationship we manage to separate the sexual aspects from the emotional aspects. This notably avoids using sexuality as a weapon. There are couples in which sexuality is used as a reward, when the other behaved well, or as a punishment, with the sex strike, when one is angry or the other is bad behaved.
This functional use of sexuality disrupts the cycle of libido because it means that sex is no longer a playful, intimate and pleasant activity, but that it has become an activity that plays with the libido of the other and not with your own libido. Because when the two want to in principle, even if we quarreled, after all we can be reconciled on the pillow. "