Shudong
two children's family brotherly love face the epidemic test
Affected by the new coronary pneumonia epidemic, the post-00s in the two-child family cannot return to school during this special semester and can only stay at home with their siblings. 24 hours of "seamless" get along, making "brotherhood" more intimate, but also facing more tests.
Guangdong Radio and TV host Yu Zi launched an online small survey entitled "The Life of Two Children under the 2020 Epidemic" during the outbreak of this year. After surveying 800 online polls, it was found that 48% of the parents surveyed during the outbreak Feeling exhausted, especially in two-child families, half of the respondents were exhausted.
Parents of two children who are tired of coping with various household chores often tend to overlook the emotional needs of the elder boss. Some two-child families, because of the imbalance of the emotional balance, cause the emotional "gunpowder barrel" to burn a little; some families because of the good interaction mode, let the compatriots facing the common challenge brothers and brothers feel more in this special period Mutual advantages and growth changes.
How can I be ignored in adolescence?
Zhou Hui is a high school student in Kunming No. 1 Middle School. He usually lives on campus and can only go home once a week. Although her parents sometimes show special care for her 10-year-old sister, she always feels that she is an older sister and should not care too much, and she has not taken these troubles to heart.
In the months following the outbreak of the New Coronary Pneumonia, Zhou Hui suddenly felt that her parents' eccentricity overwhelmed her.
No matter which little thing like watching a TV channel, or going out to see a friend, do you want to bring a "private thing" like a sister? Every time the sister makes trouble, her mother will always teach Zhou Hui, even saying that she is "selfish" and does not know how to take care of her sister. . This made her feel more tired than going to school.
One day at dinner, my mother clipped her sister with chopsticks and the blue broccoli was rejected, so she smoothly clipped the blue broccoli into Zhou Hui bowl as usual. "Why don't you ever ask me, only give me what my sister doesn't want?" Zhou Hui, who always hates eating blue flowers, suddenly loses her emotions and expresses a loud protest to her parents, she then throws down her chopsticks and rushes in The room.
During the epidemic, like Zhou Hui, there are not a few two-child families that accumulate contradictions and emotional outbreaks due to getting along with each other.
From the beginning of February, Sun Jiajia, a senior high school student in Suizhou No. 1 Middle School in Hubei Province, is going to learn online every day. Due to the tight schedule, mock exams are required almost every night. This made her a little breathless.
One day in March, Sun Jiajia was taking the most troublesome math class-when the teacher was talking about the difficulty of teaching the function, the sister who was more than two years old was making trouble outside the door. She knocked on the door "bashing" while shaking with a rattle.
Sun Jiajia, who had already lost his mind, felt for a time that his head was about to explode. She pushed open the door vigorously and reprimanded her sister. Unexpectedly, my sister cried awkwardly and went to complain to her father.
At the end of 2018, when Sun Jiajia ushered in this unexpected sister, she had mixed feelings. She sometimes feels a little proud of having a small classmate in the future, and sometimes feels that her sister stole the favor of her parents and felt quite lost.
Normally, Sun Jiajia returned home by more than 10 o'clock for self-study next night. His sister had already fallen asleep, and she didn't have much time to spend with her. But after the epidemic happened, she could hear every day her sister gave orders to various family members-"Dad, I'm sleepy, hug me to bed" "Mom, I'm hungry, go to make milk powder" "Sister, I shit, You come to wipe the ass"... These are bothering her.
In Sun Jiajia's impression, since she had a younger sister, she and her parents no longer have physical contact, and her parents' mobile phone screensaver has never shown her photos. In her view, since her sister was born, slowly, she felt as if she was watching their family of three living together. Such grievances, loss and dissatisfaction are more likely to be detonated and triggered during the special period of isolation.
Dan Fei, a professor at the preschool and primary education colleges of Shenyang Normal University, once conducted a survey on "The Parenting Behavior of Two-Child Family Parents." Through a questionnaire survey of parents of 200 two-child families, it was found that among the five dimensions and total scores of parenting behaviors, parents had significant differences in parenting behaviors of two children in different birth order. Among them, except for the discipline constraint dimension, the second child is significantly lower than the older child, and the remaining four dimensions of interactive communication, attention and help, and emotional expression and the total score of parenting behavior are significantly higher than the second child.
"Studies have shown that the more parents use differential treatment, the lower the intimacy among their compatriots." Cai Luxiao, a full-time psychology teacher at No. 44 Middle School in Nanning, said that she would also often receive two-child families. Student's help. Some of these children in adolescence are far away from the second child at home. Parents tend to focus more on young children when raising two children. Due to the use of different judgment standards and codes of conduct, older children feel that they are neglected, and they are prone to feelings of loss. Over time, they will feel insecure and jealous, and they will easily lead to sibling conflict.
Cai Luxiao said that when she counseled students, she would use cognitive therapy to guide students to change their thinking, let him realize that parents pay more attention to young children in the family, because at this age, they need more family members. More care and attention.
Parental love becomes the antidote to unhappy knots
14-year-old Chen Xuyang is a sophomore in Shanghai Datong Middle School. Last March, he became the second child in the class to have a younger brother. "Some people in the class said that my parents would not love me anymore." This made Chen Xuyang subconsciously think that his parents love his brother more.
After the outbreak, his brother, who was easily ill from childhood, had a sudden fever and his body temperature remained high for 3 consecutive days. Chen Xuyang's parents were tossing around at home and hospital every day, ignoring him.
On March 27, parents arrived home at 10 pm. Chen Xuyang, who had not eaten for a day, was particularly wronged to see his parents still holding his brother. He started a cold war with his parents. Although his parents would leave some money on the table every morning, Chen Xuyang turned a blind eye and turned and ran to the neighbor's house to eat, "I don't want to use that money."
On April 2, the parents returned home with their younger brother whose condition finally stabilized. Hearing the opening of the door, Chen Xuyang immediately ran into the room and locked it, even if her mother knocked on the door.
It wasn't until dinner that my mother realized that her son, who had refused to go out, was really "angry." That night, while Chen Xuyang came out to go to the toilet, his mother apologized to him and told many stories about Chen Xuyang's childhood. He discovered for the first time that his mother had always loved him.
Because Chen Xuyang did not eat dinner, his mother specially made him sweet and sour pork ribs-a week ago he wrote in his composition that he wanted to eat this dish. He didn't expect his mother to notice it, and remember it in his heart.
After the Spring Festival, Sun Jiajia’s father signed up for the local epidemic prevention duty and rarely stayed home during the day. I didn't know that Sun Jiajia's younger sister was troubled before, disturbing her older sister's study.
After the sister asked her father to "sue", Sun Jiajia, who was originally afraid of his father's outburst, did not expect that his father not only did not scold himself, but also educated his sister.
After noticing that my sister likes to make trouble, whenever Sun Jiajia is in class, my father hugs my sister farther away. "If I'm not at home, let her mother stare."
Sun Jiajia likes to eat tomatoes. Dad changes her recipe every day to make tomato-related dishes: tomato beef stew, tomato scrambled eggs, cold tomatoes... "Some can't do it, just learn online." Sun Jiajia's father said.
All these Sun Jiajia saw in his eyes, "Parent love has completely eliminated my misunderstanding of my sister, we will always be a family."
"If a child feels that he has been treated with indifference or injustice by his parents in family education, he can convey his feelings to his parents in time, and parents should also pay attention to and listen to their children's opinions on a regular basis." But Professor Fei said, the second child To build a harmonious parent-child relationship, in addition to reducing the differential treatment between compatriots, parents also need to express their emotions towards their children appropriately so that the children can experience the love and care of their parents, and their hearts will be filled with security. It will not care too much about the difference in parental care of the two children, and it will also promote comprehension and mutual understanding among fellow countrymen.
Grow together in friction and feel the joy of companionship
Zhang Yuke is a sophomore in Kunming No. 10 Middle School. His younger brother is 3 years younger than her. "My brother and I have a very small age difference.
My younger brother likes to play cars and Lego bricks. He always plays with his sister every time, but Zhang Yuke feels that his younger brother is too big and he is playing with toys. It is naive. He always rejects his younger brother on the grounds of his busy school.
After the epidemic began, Zhang Yuke stayed at home for nearly 3 months. At the beginning, she was working on the winter vacation, coupled with the "accompaniment" of the mobile phone, she didn't feel that time passed slowly.
Soon, the winter vacation homework was completed, "all mobile phones have been playing to vomit." Zhang Yuke started looking for new interests at home. She locked her eyes on her younger Lego, and it happened that the younger brother also invited her to work hard together, and they began the journey of Lego bricks. This is much more complicated than Zhang Yuke imagined. She is a "new player" of Lego bricks, and she will not do many steps, so her brother will guide her patiently. The sisters and brothers worked together and quickly put together a complete Lego brick. But they found that there are two spelling methods for remote-controlled racing cars, and they only received the first one of them. "I think it's fun to play with my brother, so I immediately started to fight the second one."
"I used to think that my brother was stupid, but now I found him so smart!" Zhang Yuke said with some surprise, the younger brother opened another door of interest to her, which made the originally monotonous and boring isolation life rich and interesting. stand up. "Although it is inevitable to bump, it is better to have a companion!" she said.
Li Ai is a second grade student in Xinmin Middle School in Nanning City. My sister is 5 years older than her and is a freshman at Sichuan University. In the usual winter and summer vacations, when the two sisters are at home together, they have to quarrel every day. After the outbreak, the sisters were unable to return to school. Li Aiben had thought "to be scolded by my sister for a holiday", but this time from the holiday so far, she actually did not quarrel with her sister, feeling that her sister was like "changed a person".
Every morning, Li Ai’s sister saw that her parents were at risk and went out to work early, both worried and distressed, and felt that she “had to take responsibility. After all, I’m almost 20 years old. I need to know to take care of my sister and reduce the pressure on my parents. ".
What happened to Li Ai did not happen. At 7 o'clock in the morning, Li Ai, who was still asleep, was photographed by her sister to wake her up to eat early. Li Ai was taken aback. In her impression, her sister would never wake herself up, let alone make breakfast.
There are 3 servings on the table early, while my sister urges her parents to eat, and reminds them not to forget to wear a mask when going out to work. "At that moment, I think it's great to have a sister!"
Every morning my sister gets up and cooks breakfast very early. Li Ai discusses with her and is responsible for a week of housework. "I don't really want to go back to school now, nor do my sisters go back to school. I will definitely cry so much by that day."
According to the survey of "Two Children Living under the 2020 Epidemic", 31% of the parents surveyed said that the relationship between the two children became more intimate during the outbreak. The epidemic brought an unexpected time to the family, and the mutual companionship of the two children added a touch of color to the dull home life.
According to Mr. Cai Luxiao, compared with two-child families, many cities have only-child families. Because their parents are busy with their work, their children grow up without a peer of the same age, and they are prone to feeling lonely. Even if there are frictions between children, growing up together, you will feel more fun to accompany and care for each other.
(According to the requirements of the interviewees, the middle school students in the text are all pseudonyms)
China Youth Daily · China Youth Daily reporter Xie Yang intern Zhu Qian Source: China Youth Daily