A child at home during the confinement period. Credit: Stephane ALLAMAN / SIPA - Stephane ALLAMAN / SIPA

  • Since the announcement of confinement, many separated parents no longer respect the rules governing alternate custody. A decision often taken in common to preserve their children.
  • But certain conflicts also arise, when a parent refuses to hand the children over to his ex or does not respect the rules of confinement well.

A week with dad, a week with mom. The situation due to the coronavirus epidemic is turning into a real headache for separated parents who share custody of their children. Even if the government authorizes as exceptions to the confinement the recovery of children from an ex-spouse, the parents are questioning what to do, as Stéphane Aubert, family lawyer in Marseille notes: “This confinement asks a lot of questions about child care. As evidenced by the many calls I have received from my customers, ”he says.

Some of them decided not to change anything, like Carine, who answered our call to witnesses: "Mum of two boys, 12 and 15 years old, in alternate custody, we maintained exactly the same rules, even if that doesn't reassure me 100%, ”she says. Ditto for Emilie, mother of two: “I know that I can count on my ex-husband when he goes out to take the necessary precautions not to bring the virus home. We are also all teleworking, which reduces outside contacts, ”she reassures herself. For Magali, this status quo was decided based on the well-being of her son: "We do not change so as not to disturb our son and because we cannot deprive him of one of his parents. He would not tolerate too long a separation under these conditions, ”she explains. To limit the movement of their children, some are particularly inventive during this period: "We exchange our apartments with my ex-wife so that the children can stay in the same walls and keep their habits," says Jean-Michel.

Temporarily move the organization

Conversely, many parents have shaken up the rules that govern their alternate custody: “Many of them show understanding, either by renouncing their shift, or by spacing out the shifts, in order to limit movement. Or by granting additional weeks to the other parent for the long holidays, "notes Maître Aubert. A decision made to protect their loved ones, like Camille: “My son's dad is a police officer, he is in contact with many people. We decided that the little one would stay with me. It is a sacrifice for the health of all ”. Ditto for Mélanie: “My ex's partner works in the medical sector, so we decided that the children would stay at my home. To make it less hard, he comes to see them through the fence, ”she says.

Changes also motivated by the desire to soften the confinement for children a little: "We decided with my ex-husband that I will take the children to my country house, to avoid their confinement in Paris", confides Caroline . Stéphanie and her ex also opted for flexibility: “Our son stayed with his father in town, with a good wi-fi connection and the little one came with me, to the countryside, to be closer to nature. After 10 days, it works pretty well. Each parent has a child to help with homework and lessons and to manage on a daily basis. ”

"Some parents, hitherto in conflict, have even resumed dialogue"

An adaptation of the childcare method which is calculated according to the incubation time of the virus for Marion: "With the anticipated closure of schools in the Oise, it has been more than 15 days since we have been in confinement with my two children, in order to be sure that neither their father nor we had any symptoms. Suddenly, they will go to their father's home this weekend, ”she announces.

And strangely, this health crisis encourages some ex to lower their arms to protect children, as Master Aubert notes: "Some parents, hitherto in conflict, have even resumed dialogue. They no longer spoke after their divorce and manage to calmly discuss their children. As if this health crisis had wiped out the ego and relegated their old quarrels to the back row ”. A situation that Caroline, mother of 3 lives: “This confinement allowed us, my ex-husband and I, to get along when it was a bit of war between us. Today, we think of children first. ” The same goes for Hossin: “We are usually in constant conflict. A calm has imposed itself on us. And the decision to share the care of the children for the week, when I usually have them every other weekend, came very naturally. We manage to exchange a few words and the children are delighted ”.

But the situation is conflicting for many

But this search for consensus is not always a reality. And confinement generates certain conflicts among ex. First when one of them refuses to change the rules of shared custody during this period. “I proposed, as a precaution, to the father to switch to a childcare mode which would respect the maximum incubation time of the Covid-19 (ie 15 days). By modifying our on-call times in 2 weeks / 2 weeks, we could thus ensure that the disease was not in the family. But the father categorically refused, arguing that we were not a population at risk and that we had to maintain family unity, "says Emmanuelle.

Alizée, who suffers from a rare genetic disease, asked her ex to keep her son during confinement: “Unfortunately, he doesn't want to hear anything. He follows the judgment to the letter. I feel trapped, ”she says. Claire, she is worried about her 3-year-old daughter, asthmatic: "Her dad categorically refused to sit on his weekend while he works in a hypermarket", she deplores.

"He does not respect confinement by going to the neighbors"

Another reason for conflict between the ex: when one of the two parents refuses to hand the children over to the other, because of confinement. Jonathan experiences this situation: “My ex-spouse refuses that I have my children on the planned weekend, because she fears for their health. If the confinement lasts 6 weeks, I should therefore not see my children during this time. And if I ever assert my parental rights, and the children get sick, it will end up in conflict, ”he worries. Olivia is even more anxious: “My ex does not respect the alternating custody of my 10 year old daughter. The police don't want to take my complaint for missing children. And despite official letters, my ex doesn't answer, ”she says.

Some parents are also worried that their ex will not respect the rules of confinement and not take all the necessary precautions. Like Sophie: “I learned when the children returned that the father had not respected confinement at all during his week with them (visits by the brother, the new girlfriend with his two children, use of the babysitter to he can go jogging…) while I’m immuno-depressed ”. Jennifer experiences the same stress: “I let my daughter go to her father's house every other weekend. I am in total confinement, but it revolts me because I feel that what I am doing is useless since the father of my daughter is a taxi driver and that he does not respect confinement when going to neighbors ".

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  • Containment
  • Coronavirus
  • Covid 19
  • Family
  • Child