Who says confinement, often with his family, says impossibility of finding his lover or his mistress for several weeks. This is precisely the issue for many people involved in extramarital relationships: how to manage the frustration of not seeing each other and the fear, when having an affair with someone in a relationship, of seeing the object of his desire to "reconnect" with his half? At the microphone of Europe 1, in the program Sans Rendez-vous , the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc gives her advice to manage this very delicate situation.
The question of Maud, 34 years old
"I have the habit of sleeping with a man who is himself in a relationship. It has been three weeks since we last saw each other. With confinement, I am afraid that he will find himself sexually with his wife. What do you think ?"
Catherine Blanc's response
"An extramarital relationship, if it marks infidelity, often remains none the less made of love and desire; there is no question of having a judgment on the concept of guilt at this impetus which takes place to find its place, just and coherent. It's a momentum full of life, full of sap.
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Like Maud, lots of people find themselves cut off from their object of desire or their love, with the worry of being forgotten. Perhaps the person they had set aside, stolen, can regain power. So obviously, all this is possible and one could even say that for couples, it is desirable. All of a sudden, in this time of confinement, both find themselves, stop running and run away from what they have not finished or achieved in order to be able to decide after an 'elsewhere', the case if necessary.
What I observe a lot, in these times of proximity that are already the summer holidays, long times, is that often, by 'fidelity', the couples who could find themselves do not find themselves, because the person who lives an adulterous adventure takes care not to 'deceive' (his lover). It's the curious feeling of cheating on your mistress or lover with your husband and wife. These moments of closeness often tend to couple relationships. "
Are we entitled to demand something?
"We can say that married couples, who have built something, have everything to have the primacy of everything and exclusively. Maud, for X reasons, can only love someone who belongs to someone else, and as such we can ask the question of this claim. We can also wonder what it means for her to want to count again and demand fidelity at all costs, when in fact we can only be built within this framework, which is in the triangularity, with a feeling of power to steal from someone else.
That said, there are not only stories like this, which are rather the expression of certain psychic imbalances or difficult personal histories. It can also be real love encounters with abilities: there are lots of people who are married and who ask the mistress or the lover to wait, to wait, to wait ... What often do lovers or mistresses, to the point of terrible suffering. In times of separation as it is at the moment, there is really a doubt as for oneself and its value and a hope that the other is faithful to its saying, since one can only trust in his say."
Can unfaithful couples reignite?
"It can, of course, be done this way when the relationship is good. If it didn't have any more, it doesn't work at all. On the contrary: there is an exasperation at having been stuck with the person inadequate. "
Should we maintain this connection with sexting?
"I think we should rather be adult and wait. That does not mean that it is forbidden to do so. The relationship can be greatly nourished with the fear of being surprised, on both sides, even the one who is at a distance. But I also believe that it is a time to learn the distances and learn to nourish and to reflect this kind of rather curious relationship which makes the tension between two beings. "
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