Far from what many people consider, freeing themselves sexually is not necessarily performing many sexual practices or having several bed partners. Sexual liberation starts from being aware of your right to be, feel and act, as you really want, being consistent and respecting you. Deciding your sexuality, in a consensual and consensual way, if shared, far from environmental pressures, society, political or religious beliefs.

And I explain this because, perhaps, some people find it curious that I, as a sexologist and sex educator, write about celibacy. But, do not miss you, because I advocate that each person be free to choose their path , including their sexuality.

Of course, as a psychologist, I advocate that everyone discover how they have come to make certain decisions regarding their sexuality and whether they have been really free or not. If they were his idea, if I wanted it or there was a secondary benefit behind, how could it be that they "love me", "don't abandon me", "do what everyone does", "don't reject me", "I'm ashamed to say no "or think that" is the only thing I can do. "

We know celibacy culturally associated with religion, as a forced choice to those who decided to give their lives to this cause. However, at present, it is not always the case.

Leaving sex 'parked' is becoming more common and there are many people, both men and women, who decide to do this sexual cure, from time to time.

Interestingly, this self - imposed celibacy usually appear after relationships lived with anxiety and harmful or unpleasant sexual experiences. Having nothing to do with asexuality, which is a sexual orientation, or with inhibited sexual desire or lack of desire, it would be a dysfunction.

REAL TESTIMONY

In 20214, Catherine Gray left sex for a year and wrote 'The Unexpected Joy of Being Single '. The author acknowledged that, between the ages of 16 and 34, no more than a single month passed. In addition, he sought constant approval and felt incomplete without a partner. It hit bottom after a six-month relationship that left her dejected and that was when she decided to stop looking for dates and sex for a whole year.

Although it was almost a drug for her, she closed her accounts in dating apps . I was hooked to the reinforcement of the 'match', to the heart of "I like it" and to know what I wanted. But he discovered something much better.

During this period of emotional and sexual detoxification, he discovered that he liked and connected with his true desires , not only sexual but in all areas of life. And she decided to stop meeting possible couples, to meet herself.

After that year 'with two candles', as her friends would say, she recognized that she already dressed as she wanted , regardless of whether or not it attracted men. And she began to see herself as a person , instead of feeling "the girlfriend of" or someone's sex toy. Very appealing issue, if desired, but it was not the case.

After his contemplative year away from any sexual contact, he changed his way of relating. I no longer had that anxious , quite habitual attachment style that makes you stop being you to please and be loved.

On the contrary, he realized that he could not continue moving in this way in the sentimental field, nor did he serve the insane relationships in which he had been previously involved. From that moment on, she only felt attracted and maintained healthy relationships .

Gray managed to learn to detect when someone is not emotionally available. His own insecurity towards that person with whom he began a relationship made him see that, out there, it was not worth going. Then, simply, he did not insist because he was aware that he would lead her to an undesirable relationship.

I think that moving away from what does not work and taking another perspective , as with the decision to be celibate, can help many people, regardless of their sex and condition.

Of course, as a sexologist, I think that would be compatible with the auto - eroticism and sexual self - knowledge. A 'non-shared' sex that offers us a lot of information about how we are and what we want. But then the term celibacy would not fit, of course. And the decision of what, when and how to take that sexual rest, in any case, would not have to be taken by anyone other than the person in question.

On the other hand, that this "self-imposed" celibacy is booming, especially among younger women, makes me distrustful and I wonder if, far from being a personal decision, it will be a new attempt to re-control our sexuality in a world that is hypersexualized What do you think?

Ana Sierra is a sexologist

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