I was an atheist reassuring you sky!

Yesterday I was a reassuring atheist, and today I am in pain as I have never suffered, heaven! Your death has passed five weeks, and I can not convince myself that your beautiful body is now eaten by earthworms, and that your beautiful face is dusted and moldy! Is this the end ?! Is this simplicity disappear from my life, heaven ?! This way ?! Or do you believe the mighty when he told me that your body will turn into dust, and in this dust will grow flower, and you will become you Venus ?! On that day the pain of my heart came to an end, I wanted to say to him: But the flower is also lost, and I want you here with me, but I want you eternity to exist, it is with your beauty and your paper must not be lost, my love!

Beautiful Galiti Sky: Do you remember our old white-haired neighbor, whom you call sage-wise whenever I see him from the balcony back with vegetable bags ?! I only felt comforted when she pressed my hand and whispered to me tenderly: "May God have mercy on her, and I will make her dwell in paradise, and gather you and her in two tents!" I did not know that we do not believe all that he said, heaven, but he is the only one among all those present who feel that you are still there, the tears flooded my face then sky, and I wished at that moment If you have a god there, so that your soul will go to it, I can not bear the idea of ​​your eternal art, and I do not care that you will turn into a flower. Your flowers have killed you, my love, I have bought the pot after the pot to meet it on the edge of the balcony. By the weight slowly!

The violet pot was the last thing I ever had to say about it, a beautiful, just open umbrella that opened your beautiful face when you came to my morning coffee, but you melted on the balcony that day to greet me with farewell greetings. I used to play the music, drink the wine, eat the salted pistachio, and I feel like I have the whole universe with you and my hand in your hand, while Rafat and Ghalia chant in rotation with the oud tones: "Bali Maak .. Bali Bali Bali Bali ...." I had to get my forehead to kiss him before completing.

Everything was beautiful, heaven, and there you were, I felt in those days that my freedom was limitless, that I was in this vast vast universe capable of doing what I wanted, we were you masters of this world, we spent the beautiful evenings on the surfaces furnished with colored carpets Pillows, dancing at parties, or accepting each other under the moonlight on the back of our parked car in the wild. We were always around when we wanted, Samir, Rafat, Ghalia, Wadad, and Amer. Each of us lived a master in his own world, and when we met we used to toast our absolute happiness sometimes, or we discussed our concerns. Small others sometimes ..

But they were good with me now. They were good, yes, and they did not leave me in the early days of your departure. They went to sleep with me, but they could not say one real word of consolation! All they did was try to prevent me from reminding you, but your clever body did not escape my mind for a moment as it danced in front of my eyes from the height of the towering balcony, and I did not lose sight of your blood which turned in a few short seconds into a warm red pool, Broken noses, colorful flowers and a new violets that killed you, at that moment Oh Sana collapsed world-wide whose master I was above my head, and turned my absolute freedom into a big one! I am unable to face your departure alone, darling, if there was a god in this universe I would feel protected, safe, surrounded by mercy, but this universe is very unholy without you, and more ungodly without a God. If there is a God who speaks of Him, Heaven, you know that you are somewhere, and that your body, though it is fading in the dust, but your spirit is fluttering in a spot of eternity in this universe beyond the limits of time and space we know.

Oh my sky, how I feel I'm abandoned and lost and alone and left without any particular, how I feel that I am in this wide universe wide I have no hope and no support! I am very free at a time when I need not to be free! After a week of your departure, heaven, stop sleeping for me, and I leave to sleep alone in our house, you can not imagine the weight of the night on my chest when they leave, when everything lives, and the darkness turns and the pain sharpens one of his knives!

I hid myself, hid my body under the cover, closed my eyes, and tried to escape from this feeling, but how to run away from him, my love, here in my chest, lying between my mind and my heart? Is it what they call the soul, Sana ?! Are you suffering? I feel it here between my mind and my heart like a deep, mysterious deep stretch, like a silky net, or like a moving gel that never stops trembling, I feel my breath under the lid passing through this mysterious gel, and on its surface my thoughts, inner voices, memories and emotions are rippling ...

I feel as dominant to me now as every night, my sweetheart, I feel that my mind is drowning in a coma of pain, burning longing and loss, so I blush, and this mysterious texture shudders in my chest in turmoil ... How stupid I was when I thought I could live and understand life Just alone! Yes, in broad daylight it is easy, but at night, when everything is living, I listen to the pocket of my heart. I feel that it expands and expands to dominate all my existence, and I lose my ability to think clearly and control my emotions. I feel that I recognize you with my heart, not my mind! After my death, I realized in the same way many other things! How can the mind be a master on the lover, O heavens ?! Can you convince the lover of logic to stop loving him? Can any logic convince me to stop feeling what I am feeling now? I lost my faith in the spirit a long time ago sky! But what is this in my chest if it is not the soul ?!

He attends every night five weeks ago to make me feel that everything I believe is false, fragile and unreal, and that this one in my chest - which they may call spirit - has its different axioms, and its axioms, you are somewhere, that you will not go to the courtyard, that I am not alone In this vast universe I am not a master of it. It has been so long these five weeks, heaven, and now I no longer want to be free, not anymore, I want to surrender to this merciful God that the old man told me about. I want to feel protected. Everything to make me feel weak and agitated I feel now, I want to feel surrounded by a greater mercy than Every mercy in the universe is greater than the sympathy of Aamir and Rafat and they play the oud to make me forget you. Five weeks ago I resisted heaven, but I want to surrender now to the one who owns me and I am covered under the cover. I can not bear all this pain on my own anymore. Able to demonstrate by force anymore, I can no longer deny this high duty in my chest and he tells me he is there, yes there ..

And everywhere, and even here, in my heart, I feel with me now ... It has always been so easy to deny that when I was with me and when we were drinking wine and eating pistachios and laughing with our voices in amusement parks, Those five long weeks began, and I realized that no one, no one, nothing, was able to keep my heart in mind.

My love is heaven ... I do not miss anything now except that you are not with me at this moment, and I surrender ... Finally ... I surrender ... and I feel for the first time .. a long time ago ... with reassurance ... fill me up. ....