opinion
When I suggested to the editors the text you read here, the response was subdued: "There are not so many good ways to really work together, either, the guy puts on a condom, or a lot of the work is done the woman." But I strongly disagree with this assumption - after I lied to her long enough. Until I went with my partner on the search.
We were in our mid-20s when we first met and wanted to treat contraception differently than the classic first condoms, then pill. Theoretically we knew: there is more - and it is fairer. But how could that look concrete for us?
Knowledge is power
Do you know straight away how to use a diaphragm, what are the advantages and disadvantages of the copper coil or how a symptothermal method works? If not - we felt the same way. Comprehensive knowledge is the first step in making a partnership decision in terms of contraception. This means dealing with the availability of all methods as well as their side effects and costs and their safety.
We live in the age of digital information. The British National Health Service (NHS) has a comprehensive contraceptive guide in English, in German recommend the pages of Profamilia and the Federal Center for Health Education. It may be useful to seek advice from professionals, such as contraceptive counseling (various methods), a Sensiplan symptomatic therapy course, or a diaphragm consultation. All genders are welcome - but do you use the offer as well?
Couple with the prevention course
That's what I wanted to find out on the Sensiplan course. This contraceptive method measures the morning awake temperature and monitors changes in the cervical mucus or cervix. From this the fertile and unfruitful cycle phases can be determined. The rules on which the method is based, of course, a man can learn as well. 'Four eyes see more than two' also applies to the analysis of a cycle curve. On the registration form there was also a name field for partners - so my friend registered.
In the course, however, he was an exotic. The other women had come alone, the commitment of their permanent partners was limited according to a participant to the question: "Is it today without a condom?"
As the only couple, we felt comfortable anyway. After all, we learned something that concerned and helped us both. The other women also reacted positively and were open to us.
Clever men are helpful in the diaphragm
Of course, if you want to have vaginal sex in the fertile period, you must otherwise prevent, for example with a condom or diaphragm. With the latter we had no experience, so we consulted.
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At the diaphragm consultation, the doctor was pleased with the man in tow. First, she demonstrated the method on an anatomical vagina model. She carefully included my partner in the subsequent examination and adaptation. It increases the safety of the method, if he is familiar with the application, she said: So he could additionally check the correct fit. Half an hour later - the diaphragm was successfully adjusted - she dismissed us: "Have fun".
In the meantime it was clear to us: it takes time to find conscious, just contraception, but it is fun and strengthens the relationship. We felt closer to each other than before.
It does not have to be an eight-hour Sensiplan course right away. Even with other methods, one can easily share the effort, be it picking up the pill package, the memory of changing the vaginal ring, or the purchase of condoms.
The financial side also applies to both, free is not a method in Germany. The pill is a medicine that you pay for each pack (unless you are a minor cash patient). Spirals last for several years, but cost three-digit amounts in the acquisition. Since I take over body tracking at Sensiplan, I find it only fair that my friend pays the monthly app fee for the records (admittedly, it would also be analogous on a cycle sheet). For condoms and diaphragm gel we alternate.
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"Brave of you," friends said when we told them about these experiences. That makes us happy, but for us it was a logical, natural step. The advice from specialist staff has definitely facilitated the subject, especially the great doctor in the diaphragm adjustment. "It would be great if more doctors were trained to do that to give people confidence and openness," my friend said.
Just say thank you
Because the emotional aspect - including openness, trust, understanding - is perhaps the most crucial in order to feel comfortable with contraception and sexuality. No matter which method you choose, it should be just that: a free decision, without pressure.
Even if the partner already uses a method, it does not hurt to be informed, to develop their own opinion and to ask how she is dealing with it. Whether she feels well, healthy and safe. And some people may also need encouragement to try a new condom brand, material or size to enjoy more and feel safe.
Once you have found your way together, remember to say thank you to each other: for a responsible approach to shared sexuality.